


Bruises

by KinkyPlotBunny



Series: Asylum, or Making a Life [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BDSM, F/M, M/M, Mention of torture, Sub Loki (Marvel), healing abilities, mention of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:29:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 32,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinkyPlotBunny/pseuds/KinkyPlotBunny
Summary: Loki was sent to Earth by Thanos but refused to follow the plan. Instead he got S.H.I.E.L.D. to grant him asylum and has made a life for himself away from Asgard.AU fic set after “Thor”
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Asylum, or Making a Life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737073
Comments: 31
Kudos: 39





	1. First Contact

**Author's Note:**

> Loki fell from the bifrost and into the void, and he was tortured by Thanos, but he never tried to take over Earth. He didn’t feel like going back to Asgard and is living on Earth now.
> 
> I don't usually write first person POV and there are good reasons for that, but here it just happened and I liked it. Will bite me in the butt later.

When I found his account I stared at his bio for an eternity:

_“bruises easily, heals quickly”_

That was it. Bam. The things I felt looking at those four words! And in addition he was the most beautiful thing I'd seen in a very long time. All lean lines and sharp angles, dark hair, bright eyes. He did radiate Dom energy, but the hunger in his eyes was distinctively submissive. Switch then, probably. Which might make for an even more interesting dynamics than a pure sub.

All of a sudden, making an impression on him seemed like the most important task of my day. It took me forever to compose a message. Eventually I settled on:

'Saw your bio. There's nothing I enjoy more than damaging something gorgeous. To me, people are never more beautiful than when they're in pain.'

And—send. He answered me within minutes:

'How much pain exactly?'

'As much as you can take.'

'What if that is a lot?'

'Within the limits of the law I'll do close to anything.'

'What if that's not enough? I'm a pain slut, and my limits are unusual. I am aware of that.'

I hesitated before answering.

'I'm sure you're aware that I can't do anything that would lead to you needing medical attention.'

'Like I said, I heal fast. Let me rest for a while and most things heal over night.'

That shouldn't be as hot as it was. I was entirely unsure what to reply. And then a new message popped up:

'Did I scare you? I'm sorry if I did, I didn't mean to.'

'Tbh you did. But on the other hand I'm intrigued.'

He sent me a smiley face, and then:

'There's one thing you need to know before you even begin to think about whether or not you want to meet. I'm a torture survivor.'

Oh god. Could I handle that? Potentially resurfacing trauma in someone who had suffered that level of actual, non con violence? I'd played with abuse survivors, but torture? I realised I had been staring at that word for a very long time when another message popped up:

'I understand if that's a deal breaker.'

What? No! Or was it?

'Sorry. I'm still processing. Thank you for your honesty.'

'Sure. Informed consent and all.'

'So... have you always been a masochist? I mean before... god this is hard.'

'Yes. Buy I've only gotten into the really brutal stuff after. So yeah, it _is_ therapeutic.'

'I'd like to meet you. I can't promise anything, but I'd really like to talk to you in person.' My finger hovered over the send button for an eternity. Taking a deep breath I hit send. He answered me immediately:

'That's great! I'm happy to hear that.'

'I'll bring a friend. Not to eavesdrop, but to watch my back. I always do when I meet someone for the first time.'

'Sure. Safety first.'


	2. Negotiations

So I called my six foot four rugby playing wingman Josh, and a week later he and I entered the quiet little café I had picked, ten minutes early. Josh took a seat at a table in the far corner, facing the room, and I sat down far enough for him not to be able to hear me talk, and waited. Loki showed up right on time—big bonus point—scanned the room and immediately met my eyes. I rose from my seat and smiled at him. He looked amazing, his dark hair in a messy bun, his plain white tee and blue jeans giving nothing away but showing off enough to tell me he knew exactly how gorgeous he was. He shook my hand with a small smile, eyes guarded, shoulders tense. We said our hellos and sat down, and with a side glance at Josh he said:  
"He's impressive."  
"Girl can't be too careful."  
Loki chuckled.  
"You don't strike me as the girly type."  
I grinned.  
"True. Still the world is a dangerous place. Josh knows the drill. You won't even notice him unless he thinks I might be in danger. Then you'll most definitely notice him."  
"Fair enough."  
Loki looked at Josh again and then shifted sightly, angling his body so that they couldn't make eye contact. Interesting.  
"He might have been my type. A long time ago."  
"Bi then?"  
"Yes."  
He took a breath.  
"Actually I mostly played with men, but I... can't do that any more. And the women I played with were amazing, but none of them got to the level I'm craving. So I stepped away from the lifestyle for a while but realised I can't live without it."  
He paused.  
"Sorry. Probably not the best way to start this."  
"That's fine. There's no protocol as far as I'm concerned."

I was as drawn to him in person as I had been online, probably more so. Beautiful voice, beautiful eyes, slender hands that were always in motion. Quick wit, dry humour, perfect manners, but with a spark that fuelled my imagination. Confident, but not cocky. Naughty and loving it. We talked about this and that, and then I got to the point.  
"So what kind of pain are you looking for? Stingy superficial or deep muscle pain? And if there’s marks, should it be cuts? Welts? Bruises?"  
He took a breath that told me he was enjoying this, and then he gave me a smile that would have won me over if that hadn't already happened.  
"All of the above, actually. I feel different about each of them but I crave them all."  
"Different how?"  
Another deep breath.  
"The sting of a flogger or paddle is bliss. The heavier, yet still superficial pain of a belt or whip will get me really, really hard. And the deep impact of a baton, of being punched, or kicked..."  
He took another one of those deep breaths that made his chest widen and his shoulders rise—both extremely enticing to look at—and then he lowered his eyes. Just like that he turned into the perfect sub right before my eyes.  
"I don't enjoy that, but I want it nonetheless."  
Raising his eyes he asked:  
"Does that make sense?"  
"I'm not sure yet. But we'll get there. So what's on the no list?"  
"Fire. And electricity."  
There was so much determination behind his answer, it was so immediate and so forceful that I just nodded.  
"I used to like wax play though."  
"Not any more?"  
"I'm not sure. I'd like to try, I think."  
"Okay. What else is a hard limit?"  
"Anything likely to make me pass out."  
"No breath play. Gotcha."  
He hesitated.  
"Well... I wouldn't dismiss it right away."  
Interesting.  
"I'm getting a feeling you might be trying to achieve something specific," I said carefully.  
He looked straight at me, completely serious.  
"You're right. If we agree to do this I will have to tell you the truth. About what happened to me, and how it relates to my kinks. I won't tell you who, or where, or why. But I'll tell you what. If you decide you want to play with me."  
"I'll be upfront with you. I've already decided. You're gorgeous."  
"But?"  
I shook my head with a smile.  
"No but. I'm in. If you want. What do you want to know before you make a decision?"  
"You're in?"  
His genuine surprise made me chuckle.  
"Yes. I'm in. The idea of you, kneeling at my feet, taking pain from my hands—that's just too hot to pass."  
He leaned back, biting his lip.  
"Alright, so, what do I need to know? Are you a pure Domme? What are you looking for in a sub? What kind of pain do you prefer?"  
"Yes I am. I don't submit. Ever. What turns me on is being in control, the power that a sub gives me over his body and mind. I like pain, but I equally like humiliation. I love being the source of all those intense reactions—tears, sobbing, begging, moans, muffled screams, bruises, welts, bite marks, blood."  
His eyebrows rose.  
"You draw blood?"  
"Yes. I do. Seeing it on a sub's skin. Violating his body's integrity. Checking the scabs a few days later. Breaking them open again. That's delicious."  
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again there was a hunger in his gaze that rocked me to the core.  
"Say one word and I'll be at your feet in a heartbeat. Here and now. Please let me have that. Please."  
I felt myself slip into Domme mode, massively turned on by the tone of his voice.  
"Get me a new drink."  
He stood immediately.  
"What would you like?"  
"Cappuccino."  
"Yes, ma'am. Could I have something, too, please?"  
I started to smile.  
"Tap water. A small glass. And you'll drink when I tell you."  
"Thank you, ma'am."

When he came back he sat both drinks down in front of me.  
"Sit."  
I smiled at him.  
"I don't usually do that. Not without negotiation. Sorry."  
"No! I appreciate it. I was so needy all of a sudden that I overstepped your boundaries, and instead of getting angry about it you took charge and gave me something to do. A simple task, a subtle opportunity to serve. You're gorgeous. Thank you."  
"So are you."  
I pushed his water towards him. He didn't move.  
"Drink as much as you like."  
He took the glass and drank, very modestly, although I got the impression that he was a lot thirstier than he let on.  
"Was that enough?"  
He shook his head, a motion so subtle it was barely there.  
"Then why didn't you drink it all?"  
"I have no way of knowing if you'll allow me more later. So I'm rationing."  
"Is that the whole truth?"  
He looked down.  
"No, ma'am. I'm also punishing myself for forcing my needs on you."  
My gut clenched.  
"Empty it."  
He did, and I was almost sure it still wasn't enough.  
"More?"  
"Yes, please," he said, his voice low, apologetic. I took a breath.  
"Okay snap out of it. We're not in a scene. Go get yourself whatever drink you want and stop calling me ma'am. For now."  
He stood and got himself a beer, and the look he gave me over the rim of his glass after sitting down might as well have come from a totally different person. I locked eyes with him.  
"So how do you feel about sex?"  
"It's not my main concern, but if you wanted to use me after you've hurt me, I'd obey."  
Oh boy. Pushing all my buttons.  
"So first I break you, and then I make you serve me?"  
I could tell that his mind was racing, but all he said was "Yes," perfectly humble, obedient, almost resigned. Huh. I leaned back.  
"So, do I need to break you? Are you a brat?"  
And just like that the fire was back in his eyes and he gave me a smug little smile.  
"Depends..."  
"What about hurting you _while_ you serve me?"  
"All of a sudden I'm not so sure if it was a good idea to do this in public," he murmured.  
"Why?"  
"Because I react to you, a lot stronger than I anticipated, and I'm fighting to reign myself in."  
"Honesty. I appreciate that."  
I leaned back and asked:  
"So you're turned on?"  
"God yes."  
"What exactly was it?"  
"A lot of the things you said turned me on. But the idea of being in pain while I please you was the straw that broke the camel's back."  
"Oh we're going to have a great time, you and I."  
He gave me a broad smile and a small nod.  
"What else do you want to know?" he asked.  
"How do you feel about being penetrated?"  
"Yes! That's a definite yes."  
"You're bi and you're a sub, so I figured... I'm not sure you're a pure sub though, and also you don't strike me as a pure bottom. But those might be wrong assumptions."  
"No, they're both correct. Bisexual verse switch. I want it all."  
That made me chuckle.  
"Alright. Kissing?"  
"Depends..."  
"Okay, I'll be more specific. Me kissing you. Anywhere on your body?"  
"Yes." Without hesitation.  
"Face?"  
"Yes."  
"Mouth, with or without tongue?"  
"Yes to both."  
"Spit kiss?"  
"God yes!"  
That made me chuckle.  
"You kissing me? Body?"  
"Yes." A little hesitant. I raised an eyebrow.  
"On command."  
"Ah! Obviously. You don't get to touch me without my permission while we're in scene."  
"Good."  
"You kissing my face?"  
"Difficult, but if you order me to, I'll do it."  
"Why would it be difficult?"  
"Because it's incredibly hard to keep my submissive mindset if I do that."  
"Noted. Same goes for a real kiss I assume?"  
"Yes."  
"You said fire is a no go. Does that mean cool sensations are good? Ice? Wet cloth? In aftercare maybe?"  
The way he closed his eyes told me everything I needed to know. Oh this would be good. I pulled myself together.  
"Any other hard no's?"  
"Hoods," he said, his tone unreadable. Eyes down he continued:  
"They plugged my ears, gagged me, and then pulled a hood over my head, and that was pure horror. No way of knowing what was coming. Almost impossible to breathe."  
He didn't have to tell me who 'they' were. This was getting dangerous. I took a breath.  
"Are you okay?" I asked him.  
His eyes found mine, and he gave me a small smile.  
"Yes. Thanks for asking. I am."  
"So... how do you feel about each of those? Earplugs?"  
"Are fine as long as I’m not blind as well."  
"Gags?"  
"Yes."  
"Blindfold?"  
"No. I have to be able to see it coming."  
"Anything else?"  
"Mind fucks. I mean humiliation is a mind fuck too I guess but—they would tell me I'd made a mistake and punish me, only I couldn't remember making that mistake. I couldn't tell if they were lying or if my memory was failing me. In the end I was convinced that it was my fault."  
I felt my heart break at the thought of what he had gone through.  
"So no unwinnable games?"  
He considered for a moment.  
"No, that's fine. Just don't—I guess don't lie to me is what I'm asking."  
I nodded, about to say something like 'that goes without saying', and then I realised how tense he was, how pale.  
"Should we call it a day?"  
His head snapped up.  
"If you like—I mean I'm sure you have places to be..."  
Okay. Wrong call. I deliberately relaxed, willing him to do the same.  
"Or we could get the bill and go for a walk, if you like. If you have the time."  
Relief came off of him in waves.  
"I'd really like that," he said softly.


	3. More Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We wrap up the foreplay...

The moment we stepped outside I could tell he was breathing more easily. We said goodbye to Josh who gave me his patented 'Are you sure?' look and then hugged me, nodded to Loki and left.

"Thank you," Loki said with a half smile.

"You're welcome."

For a while we just walked, the path leading us to a little park. Close to a pond Loki stopped, looking over the water.

"I'm torn," he said. When I just looked at him he went on:

"On the one hand I'm aware that we've just met and you owe me nothing."

"On the other hand?"

"On the other hand I'm dying to pour my heart out to you, lay myself bare and be at your mercy."

He closed his eyes, a slight blush on his killer cheekbones. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm very very interested. In you. In your story. I'm flattered by your trust. I'm just not sure if this is the right place."

Loki turned to look around us.

"There's nobody here."

"True, but there's also no shelter. If you trigger yourself there's nowhere to hide."

He turned to look at me, his expression hard to read.

"You're gorgeous," he whispered.

"Thank you. Back atcha," I said with a grin. Turning serious I lightly touched his arm.

"Maybe we should get to know each other a bit better first."

I was _almost_ sure I could trust him, but I tried to stay alert. He was a stranger, and I was on my own. He gave me a small nod.

"I might know the right place," he said, and when he suggested it I realised it was perfect.

I hadn’t been at this bar for a while but it immediately felt like home again. The owners were kinksters themselves, so a lot of kinky people used this place to hook up or just hang out. It was dark enough to feel safe, there were couches and coffee tables in the back area, and every now and they had play parties where people could play safely in semi public. Today it was half full, but most people were sitting at the bar or the tables in the front and we had the back area pretty much to ourselves. Beer in hand Loki leaned back.

"So what do I call you? In scene?"

"That usually develops, but for starters ma'am is fine. What about you? What do you want me to call you?"

"Anything but my name. Call me any name, animal, object. Degrade me. Verbal abuse and humiliation can't be brutal enough for me."

Fun, fun, fun!

"Any specific position you fancy?"

"I like being forced to stand or kneel upright, but on the other hand I can take more if my body is supported."

"Are cuffs okay?"

"Sure! Leather, metal, whatever floats your boat."

He took a swig of his beer.

"We've talked about my no's, so what are yours?"

"No breaking of bones, no dislocation of joints, and I don't do scat. Water sports maybe, but no scat play."

He nodded.

"That's not a lot of limits."

"What can I tell you, I'm insatiable!"

He laughed out loud for the first time, and I was intrigued by his laugh. Grinning at him I asked:

"How do you feel about chastity play?"

"Oh! I don't have much experience there but I'd sure like to change that!"

"It's such a great way to humiliate a sub, especially a man. Humiliation and torture all in one—oh god." I couldn't believe I had just… "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't just toss that word around should I?"

"Torture? No, that's fine. I know what you mean by it, and that's no problem."

"I'll be honest with you. That scares me. The fact that you went through a non con situation like that, the trauma that must have caused. I'm a lot more worried than usual that I might go too far, trigger you, miss a subtle hint. I'll have to check in with you a lot even if that might ruin the mood."

The look he gave me was hard to read. When he answered me I was shocked to hear his voice break.

"That's the most beautiful thing you could possibly have told me."

I shouldn't be this drawn to him, this enamoured, but I was. I wanted nothing more than to hurt him until he couldn't take any more and then hold him until he completely trusted me, let go, relaxed. 

"What do you need to know, about what happened to me I mean? In order to be able to play?"

I thought about it.

"Nothing, actually. You told me your no's. I don't need to know if they are related to your trauma or if you never liked them in the first place. You told me what you like and I can use that. If I come up with anything I'm not sure about, anything we haven't talked about, I'll ask. I swear there will be nothing you don't want. You're safe, Loki."

He smiled at me and nodded.

"If I should get triggered I'll say so, safeword, and deal with it."

"Can you do that?"

"Yes. I went to therapy for PSTD. My attacks are few and far between, and I can usually handle them relatively fast."

"What should _I_ do in case it happens?"

He considered.

"Ground me. In the middle of a flashback I feel like I'm back there although I'm _know_ that I'm not. So make me _feel_ that I'm in the here and now." He blushed slightly. "Take my hands. Hold me. Remind me to breathe."

"This is hard for you. Trusting a stranger with your biggest fear. Allowing yourself to appear weak."

"Yes." He sighed. "Yes it is. But those are important questions. Thank you for asking them."

I just nodded, starting to become more confident. And more and more impressed with how strong he was.

We made a play date.

"What do you want me to wear?" he asked.

"Something that you don't mind getting ruined. Underwear or no I'll leave that to you. Keep your hair the way it is now, in a bun. There's so much I can do with that. Bring a set of comfy clothes."

Over thee next few days we talked on the phone or texted each other every time one of us came up with a question we hadn't asked, and then it was time to play.


	4. Play Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the warning to Graphic Violence because, well, "Loki likes it rough" might be an understatement. I don't actually consider it violence in the sense of the warning but better safe than sorry. Also-explicit language and actions from here on out.

From the window on the first floor I saw him arrive, perfectly on time, and I felt my heartbeat speed up. He stopped at the door, crossed his wrists behind his back, braced his feet and settled in to wait. And I _made_ him wait. It was probably harder on me than on him, I thought with a grin, feeling warmth pool at my core. I retreated from the window and went downstairs, completed my outfit, went through my toys and tools. And then I opened the door. He startled but kept his eyes on the ground.

"Come in," I said, neutral.

He stepped past me. I closed the door and went on, still in the same tone of voice:

"Put down your bag. Shoes and socks off. Put them neatly away and kneel."

Time to look at him. Hair in a bun as I'd requested. Plain white tee, probably cheap but pristine. Tight stone washed jeans. Hands crossed at the small of his back, eyes on the floor, back straight, thighs apart. This sub knew his posture. And damn it he looked like a snack. I decided to follow my instinct and gripped the front of his jeans, possessively, not painfully. The moan he let out told me I'd measured my grip correctly.

"This will be the only time I'm going to touch your cock," I murmured right into his ear. "Enjoy it while it lasts."

He whimpered softly and briefly pressed upwards into the touch. I started to grin again.

"Down, boy," I ordered, and he obeyed, widening his thighs even more, clever little shit, denim stretching over his groin. I already regretted my announcement.

"Follow me," I said and went into my playroom. My obedient little sub crawled after me on his hands and knees and stopped when I did, taking position again.

"I like this," I purred, raking my eyes over his perfect body.

"Thank you, ma'am," he said with a little delay, probably unsure if he was allowed to speak.

"Such a polite boy," I said to let him know he hadn't done anything wrong. This time he immediately thanked me. Quick learner. I ordered him to clasp his hands behind his head, and then I cuffed them together. Next was a leather play collar. Linking the cuffs to the collar I ensured that his body would be open and accessible, and ordering him to stand I forced him to support his own weight, as opposed to cuffing him to something overhead. He stood, eyes front and centre.

"Bring your elbows back as far as you can."

Besides adding tension to his arms and torso that posture also meant that his ribcage extended and his back straightened, which was nice to look at. I took up a heavy flogger.

"Brace your feet. If you flinch I expect you to resume position immediately after the blow."

When I was satisfied with his posture I stepped behind him and lifted the flogger.

"I don't want to hear a single sound unless I ask you a question or you need to safeword, is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

And so it began. The first ten or fifteen strokes didn't do anything.

"Give me a number on the pain scale."

"Three, ma'am."

Good to know. I upped the game. The first time the flogger ripped his shirt he did flinch but it was over so fast I might have imagined it.

"Pain scale?"

"Five, ma'am," he said.

"Tell me when we reach seven."

"Yes, ma'am."

He kept quiet when his shirt became more rips than fabric. He still kept quiet when I started drawing blood.

"Turn. Look at me."

He did, but I had a hard time reading him.

"Not there yet?"

"Not quite, ma'am," he said, but he was panting.

"New rule. Let me hear that you're in pain."

He immediately let out a strangled sound, as if a moan he'd kept back was breaking free. What a turn on… I let him know that I liked it.

"From now on let it all out."

And he did. He sounded amazing, more and more desperate, struggling to keep his feet, and finally he rushed out "Seven!" just before I could land another blow.

"Good boy! Taking so much… let me make this easier for you so you can take some more."

And I chained the cuffs to a hook in the ceiling and told him to hold on to the chains.

"Thank you, ma'am," he said with real gratitude, putting some of his weight on the chains.

"You're welcome, gorgeous."

I switched to his stomach, and the next time I asked him for a pain level he said "Eight." I took a break. He looked incredible, his white t-shirt torn to shreds, sticking to his bloody torso, drops of blood on his jeans and on the side of his neck. He looked like an abstract painting, beautiful and intense, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was panting, his slender hands gripping the chains holding him up, trying to get his breathing under control, and he was rock hard from what I could tell. Time to find out.

I took a knife and started cutting his jeans off his body, aware that I was breaching his skin. He whimpered in pain but didn't speak. When the ruined denim pooled at his feet I started grinning.

"No underwear! Greedy little slut."

I walked in circles around him, measuring his body, picking the shreds of his shirt from his skin. And then he was gloriously naked in front of me, wearing nothing but the collar and the cuffs holding him up, and most _definitely_ rock hard. I squatted down and looked up at him.

"I couldn't care less for that pathetic little cock of yours. I told you I won't touch it. Why would I, it won't do anything for me." Standing, I grinned. "Nope, you're nothing but a pair of holes. But before I start filling them I want you to suffer some more."

I put cuffs on his ankles as well and attached a spreader bar, and then I punched his thighs, both back and front, until his knees started to buckle. He pulled himself up by the chains and tried to stand straight, but he was constantly moaning and whimpering now, twisting his body away from the pain. But given how little room he had to move it didn't make much of a difference. I could still land blow after blow.

"Please," he begged all of a sudden.

I stopped.

"Please what?"

"Please don't punch me any more."

Interesting. No safeword. Not asking me to end the scene.

"Code yellow?"

"Yes."

"Well time to take care of that piece of ass then."

I switched to a belt, one of my all-time favourites. Lashing it over his bare ass was such fun, because holy shit what an ass that was. When I was happy with the number of angry red welts I dropped the belt and picked out a middle sized dildo. Rubbing it over the abused skin of his ass I said:

" _Now_ you look pretty. So pretty that I actually feel like using that hole. Sluts get breached, don't they." I rubbed the dildo between his cheeks and against his hole. "Fucked. Again and again until they can't take it any more."

He moaned in anticipation, and I lubed up the dildo. This was always such fun, putting them through hell and then taking their body, using them, abusing them. The combination of taking pain and then being taken usually did it for _them_ , too. Loki was no exception. When the tip of the dildo breached his sphincter his knees buckled harder than they had under the most brutal blows. I waited for him to regain his feet and pushed. It ripped one long moan from his throat, and he started pushing back against the dildo, trying to take it deeper. I pulled it out and he whimpered in frustration:

"Please give it back."

He sounded so deliciously desperate that I decided not to punish him for speaking.

"So this little slut wants its ass ripped open?"

"Yes! Oh god please give it back."

"What if that came at a cost?"

"Anything! I'll do anything if I can have that dildo back inside me!"

I had been planning on fucking him with it but now I changed my mind.

"Well you do have two holes I can use," I said thoughtfully. Instead of giving him what he wanted I unceremoniously plugged him. A dozen hard, fast punches to his chest, and then I detached the cuffs from the ceiling and ordered him to kneel. He slumped, but straightened before I could order him to. He was leaking, and again I cursed my announcement not to touch his cock. Memo to self—think before you speak. But hey. There were other things I could amuse myself with. I picked up the biggest dildo I owned and buried my fingers in Loki’s hair. Forcing his head back I tapped the dildo’s tip against his lips. His eyes flew up to mine and a heart beat later he opened his mouth. His willingness sent a jolt of electricity straight to my guts. 

Hooo boy. He was good. A lot more of that dildo than I had anticipated went down his throat before he started gagging. I pulled it out, let him take one breath, and forced it in again. Tears and spit mixed on his beautiful face but he never faltered. After one particularly deep thrust I gave him a little more time, but then I grabbed his jaw and spit into his mouth. The moan that drew from him made me check if he was coming, but he wasn't. Just very, very hard. Most probably painfully so.

"Would you like to come?" I asked as innocently as I could.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Hm. I see. I think not though," I said with a grin that I knew was sadistic. "I'd rather torture and degrade you some more."

And just like that, completely out of the blue, I slapped him.

"Thank you, ma'am."

Ahh. Delicious. Ten, twenty slaps rained down on him, some of them back handed. Every time his face snapped to one side he made an effort to look at me again, adoration in his eyes. Whenever I gave him enough time to thank me, he did. When I stopped, his face was burning. I spit on him one more time, rubbed my spit all over his face and sat down on a chair, ordering him to take off my boots. Watching him do that with cuffed hands was precious. When the boots had come off, I stood and took off my pants. Sitting back down I spread my legs, my silk clad cunt right in front of him. He swallowed hard but didn't move.

"Lick."

A second later I felt his tongue through the thin, already soaked fabric, and boy did that feel good. I let him work for a while, and then I asked:

"Want the underwear gone?"

He looked up at me, a storm of emotions in his eyes. I gripped his thigh where I had punched him and he whimpered in pain.

"Yes or no? I hate being made to wait."

"Yes! Yes I would love to touch you without the underwear!"

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it."

I slipped my panties down my legs as slowly as I could, trying not to let on how desperately I wanted his mouth on me. He licked his lips and swallowed again, the picture of eagerness, but there was a guarded look in his eyes, as if he wasn't sure if I'd really allow it. Which gave me an idea. I reached for a riding crop.

"We don't want you to get too much pleasure out of this, do we."

Tapping the crop against his balls I said in a low, neutral voice:

"I want you to be in pain while you do this. It might motivate you, who knows."

And I ordered him to kneel on the crop.

"You have three minutes to make me come."

Needless to say that he failed. I punished him with thirty slaps while he was still kneeling, the crop digging into his knees. When I paused he was trying to shift his weight, and I let him because I knew it wouldn't ease the pain.

"Try again. Two minutes."

He was desperate to achieve it, and he wasn't bad given the circumstances, but he failed again. When I pushed him away his eyes found mine, pleading.

"Speak."

"Please let me try again, ma'am, please!"

I shook my head.

"You had your chance, two even, but obviously you're useless. Looks like the only thing you're good for is taking pain. Hands."

He held out his hands, palms up, and his body language told me we had to wrap this up soon. I hit his palms, the backs of his hands and his forearms with the crop until they were red all over, and then I took up a baton. It went down on his upper arms a dozen times, drawing the kind of sounds from him that told me this was pure pain, no pleasure. He took it all, but I expected him to safeword any minute now, so I stopped and ordered him to rub my feet.

I could tell flexing his muscles caused him pain, and the way he leaned into it was just gorgeous. Eventually I set my feet down and ordered him between my thighs again, this time without torturing his knees. While he was licking me I brought the belt down on his back and shoulders in irregular intervals, his pain filled groans muffled satisfyingly by my cunt. Each stroke spurred him on to work harder and I closed my eyes, enjoying his desperate efforts. And finally I felt it coming, my climax deliciously crashing down on me like a wave after what felt like an eternal build up. I grabbed his hair and pressed his face to my cunt while I rode it out, and when I let go he was panting, face covered in my juices.


	5. After Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets what he needs, and his super power comes into play.

I took a few deep breaths and waited for my legs to stop shaking. And then I told him he was allowed to get himself off. Still on his knees he looked at me for confirmation, and when I nodded it took him less than a minute to come. His body sagged and he let out a sob, and then he stilled. I stood and went to the bathroom to soak a piece of cloth in cool water. Kneeling down in front of him I started cleaning his face. He didn't look at me until I lifted his chin.

"You did amazing," I said very gently and tugged a strand of hair behind his ear. "Now let me take care of you."

I took off the cuffs and helped him stand. He was trembling, so I lead him over to the bed. He sat down with a sigh and closed his eyes.

"You look spent."

"Someone beat the shit out of me," he said with a small smile.

"And you loved it."

Opening his eyes he nodded.

"Yes. I did. You were incredible. I don't think anyone has laid into me like that in a long time. I can't even tell you how grateful I am."

I realised how exhausted I was and crawled onto the bed.

"Feel okay?" I asked him.

"Yes, I do. May I?"

He gestured at the snacks and water on the bedside table.

"Sure!"

He poured himself a glass of water and drained it in one long gulp. Refilling it he took a few modest bites of food and closed his eyes.

"Wanna lay down?" I asked.

He took a very deep breath.

"I'd love to."

Patting the mattress I smiled at him. He took another sip of water and put the glass down before carefully laying down next to me. It was obvious that he was exhausted and in pain, but he looked content. He turned onto his side and looked at me. I did the same, and for a while we just studied each other.

"Thank you," he said eventually. "For everything. Are you happy with the way things went?"

"Very. You?"

"God yes."

"How close did we get to your limit?"

"There was still room."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Not very much though. And definitely a lot less than I've had in forever."

"Huh. Okay, do you want me to tend to the bruises?"

He hesitated for a moment, but then he nodded and turned onto his stomach.

"Ice? Or just a cool cloth?"

"Whatever you have handy."

I smiled to myself, determined to make this as good as possible for him.

When I returned, his breathing was deep and even.

"Hey," I said softly, sitting down at his side. It took him a moment to turn his head and look at me.

"You wore me out," he slurred.

"Sorry not sorry," I said with a chuckle and picked up an ice cube.

"Attention, ice."

I held it against the back of his neck and ran it down his spine, and then I methodically followed each and every single one of the angry red welts I had left on his back and ass, watching the ice melt on his skin and wash the dried blood away, picking up a new ice cube several times. The little moans he let out every now and then all went straight to my guts.

"Good?"

"Heavenly."

After a while I asked him to turn. He did—and I was shocked. Not only was he sporting the welts on his stomach that I had expected, but the places on his chest where I'd punched him were already starting to bruise.

"That's not possible."

"Told ya."

I ran my fingertips over those spots, fascinated by the imprints of my knuckles on his pale skin. I took a few ice cubes, wrapped them in a kitchen towel and gently pressed them against his chest. He closed his eyes and let out a breath.

"These are the best. I'll feel them for two days, dull and deep, whenever I move. Especially on my thighs."

"No way will they be gone after two days."

"Wanna bet?"

When all his wounds were treated he closed his eyes with a sigh and thanked me again. I smiled and laid down comfortably.

“What do I need to know?” I asked him.

His answer came like a shot:

"I really really wanted that dildo."

"You don't say!"

We both chuckled at that.

"To be honest the plan was to fuck you with it but then I realised how eager you were and decided against it."

"You're brutal."

"What can I tell you baby, I've always been bad!"

He didn't seem to get the reference, but the grin on his face was still delicious.

There was a brief pause, and then he asked:

"Is it your general rule not to touch your sub's genitals?"

I started grinning again, remembering how hard it had been—pun intended—to ignore his leaking cock. 

"No. There's a lot you can do to a cock. And balls. What did you think when I told you I wasn't going to touch you?"

"I think I died a little. No actually I died a lot. I knew how turned on I'd be if you did any of the things we talked about, and the idea of not being allowed to come was brutal. But obviously not unusual." He sighed. "And you did show mercy in the end. Thank you for that."

I looked at him.

"As hot as orgasm denial and chastity are, I felt I couldn't do that to you. You really deserved a reward."

"I did? What for?"

I just looked at him.

"For all the pleasure I got out of torturing you."

He seemed honestly surprised and happy about the praise.

"And I didn't want you to be frustrated all through aftercare. I'd normally give my sub a little privacy, letting him decide for himself if he wants to come before we have the talk. But you were too spent to be left alone."

He gave me a kind of smile I hadn't seen before and didn’t know how to interpret.

"You said it's not a general rule. Not to touch my cock I mean."

"No. It's not."

"So you tease? Torture?"

I hummed.

"Oh yeah."

He bit his lip.

"What about pleasure? Release from your hands?"

"Well I'm not sure I'd call it release if it's forced," I said with a grin.

He let out a small moan. I knew what he wanted me to say, and I was tempted to give him what he wanted, but I pulled myself together. Reward. He was trying to find out if I'd consider jerking him off as a reward. And boy was I considering that. I already had half a scene planned in my head, and if that went the way I wanted, there would be a major surprise for him in the end. So don't spoil the surprise! I made sure he couldn't read my expression when I said:

"There will be a time when you'll wish I _wasn't_ touching you."

"Be careful what you wish for?"

"Exactly."

I thought I'd seen him shudder, but that might have been my imagination.

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. After another pause he opened them again and asked:

"Anything you would have wanted to do but didn't get to?"

I bit my lip. He read it correctly.

"Come on. Hit me."

"Again? You just don't get enough, do you."

It was a cheap pun but it worked. I noticed once again how beautiful his laugh was. And then he turned serious.

"Please tell me?"

"There was a point where normally I would have blindfolded a sub, and I remember thinking 'God I wish I could do that to him.' But of course I respect that limit. I get why you can't do it."

"I used to enjoy it," he said after what felt like an eternity. "Everything is so intense when you can't see. You lean into the physical sensations, helpless, unable to plan ahead. It's a very subby thing to do. I wish I could still do it."

I looked straight at him.

"What if we could get it back?"

He looked surprised.

"You'd be willing to train me?"

As hot as that would normally be, in this situation I felt a chill down my spine, and not in a good way. Train a sub to ignore his limits? I knew it was possible. If he was really desperate to please me it would probably be quite easy to push him, but he'd be in so much distress and emotional pain! I knew so called Dom(me)s who would use his fear of being blinded as a threat or a punishment, but in my opinion that wasn't kink, that was abuse. I realised he was still waiting for my answer and shook my head.

"No. I don't think training is the way to do this. I'd rather try and desensitise you."

"What, start with a small blindfold and work our way up to big ones?"

I burst out laughing. He rolled with it.

"Show me pictures of blindfolds? Make me touch one?"

I was still chuckling but fought to reign it in. When I managed to be serious enough I suggested:

"Maybe start with you closing your eyes. You tend to do that anyway when things get intense."

He gave me that smile again, the one I wasn't sure how to read. Soft, almost shy.

"True. But that's different."

"Well I could make it an order. You're not allowed to open your eyes until I say so. That way it would be easy for you break out of it if it got too much."

He did close his eyes at that, trying to get a feel of the idea I assumed. When he opened them again he looked sweet and insecure. Never thought I'd call a man like him 'cute' but that's what it was. He looked cute.

"Might work," he said softly. "Also does that mean you'll play with me again?"

"I can't see why not. If you want."

"God yes."

Before he went home we agreed on a check in for the next day, possibly an inspection scene if we'd both feel like it.

"I'll be straight out of a business meeting. Do you want me to change before I come here?"

"What are going to wear for that meeting?"

"Suit 'n' tie."

Oh wow. Beautiful Loki in a posh suit, black and blue and covered in welts underneath.

"No. Don't change. I promise I won't hurt the suit."

He chuckled and nodded. I saw him to the door, and in the doorway he turned around.

"Can I hug you?"

"Sure!"

He very gently wrapped his arms around me, and I tried to hug him back as gently as possible. He still winced but didn't let go.

"This was amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"Thank you. And it really was."

I let go and smiled at him.

"Take care of yourself. And have a good meeting tomorrow."

"Thanks. I'll see you soon."

With a gracious little nod he turned to the door and left. I felt incredibly tired, so I cleaned up only the absolutely necessary bits and fell asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did *you* guys get the reference?


	6. Check In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki looks beautiful but feels less than great.

The next day I got a text from Loki saying:

'Hey. Unfortunately that meeting was hell and I feel a headache coming.'

'Oh no. I'm sorry to hear. Are you otherwise okay? How are the bruises?'

'Pretty.'

'I'd sure like to see but if you need rest please take care of yourself!'

For a while nothing happened, and then there was another message:

'Actually I could use one of those hugs. I know that's not what you signed up for but… okay what I'm trying to say is I'd like to see you, I'm just not in the best mood.'

'That's fine! Just come by.'

'Sure?'

'Absolutely.'

Ten minutes later my doorbell rang, and there he was, navy blue suit and tie, white shirt and the neatest bun ever, but his eyes looked tired. I asked him in, and the smile he gave me looked tired, too.

"Hey," I greeted him.

"Hey. It's good to see you."

"Hug?"

"Yes please," he said with a sigh and opened his arms. His hug felt good, and it felt even better when he slowly started to relax. We sat down in my kitchen and I poured two cups of tea.

"How's your head?"

"Could be better, but I'll live."

"Anything I can do?"

"No. It's fine. Wanna see the bruises?"

I couldn't help the broad smile spreading on my face. He grinned, too, and shrugged out of his suit jacket. Loosened his tie. Opened his top button.

"Let me stop you there."

He froze.

"May I?"

He gave me another grin and let his hands fall by his sides, his body open and accessible. I stood and stepped between his legs. He held my eyes while I opened another button. When his shirt fell open enough to reveal the bruises on his chest I felt my eyes widen. A pattern of deep blue and purple stood out against his pale skin, way more prominent than it should have been after less than 24 hours. He hadn't been kidding. I brushed my knuckles over those bruises, then turned my wrist and laid my palm flat on his chest. Without really thinking about it I bent down and kissed the one closest to his collar bone.

"Please don't," he said under his breath and I jerked back.

"I'm sorry. God, Loki, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Don't worry. Just—I can't."

He stood and did his shirt up, avoiding my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I know we talked about an inspection scene, but I don't think that's a good idea. Not today. I'm sorry."

"It's fine! We don't have to if you don't want it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Which to be honest I don't think is the case."

He heaved a heavy sigh.

"I will be, don't worry about me."

"Well, I do. Was it anything we did? I did? Did I trigger something?"

"No! You were amazing. I'm just in a bad mood and my experience tells me I shouldn't be playing when I'm like this."

"Fair enough. Still, is there anything I can do? Take your mind off it?"

"No. Thank you, that's a very kind thing to say, but I'm afraid there's nothing you can do. I'll have to push through it. And I will. Can I call you?"

"Sure!"

He was already at the door when he turned.

"I didn't even ask if _you_ are okay!"

"I'm great. I had a very intense dream that featured you."

"Did you now?!"

"Yup. Apparently you made an impression on my subconscious."

"Huh."

He visibly pulled himself together.

"Anyway. Thank you again. I'll be in touch."

I nodded and stared after him for a moment before going inside and closing the door.


	7. Afterglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short one

The next day he texted me again, asking if I wanted recent pics. I said yes and was treated to half a dozen photos of his gorgeous body. I couldn't believe it. There were no welts and the bruises looked faded.

'No way are these recent!'

'Facetime?'

'Okay.'

So it turned out it was true. He did bruise easily and beautifully, but he healed in record time. I realised I couldn't wait to get my hands on him again. To do more damage. To watch him suffer and heal back to perfection in high speed. If only he was mentally and emotionally okay, and I had a sinking feeling about that. Something he didn't want to tell me was bothering him, and I had no idea if it had anything to do with me or not.


	8. Blindfold Training I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tackling that limit of his...and if he's good, there might be a reward.

I tied him to a pole, hands behind his back, feet spread by a bar, collar linked to the pole. There was absolutely nothing he could do. Besides close his eyes.

“You will close your eyes when I tell you, and you won’t open them until I tell you. You may call ‘yellow’ if you need me to pause, or ‘red’ if you need to open your eyes, but you won’t do it without my permission. Understood?”

“Yes.”

I felt anticipation tingle down my spine, curious to see how this would go. I took a breath and reminded myself that this was about him, not me.

“Close your eyes.”

He did, resting the back of his head against the pole.

“Nothing is going to happen until I’m convinced that you’re relaxed. So take your time.”

He shifted his weight. His hands were restless, fingers flexing. He took a breath, shallow and unsteady. A muscle in his jaw twitched.

“Do you trust me?” I asked him, keeping my voice gentle.

“Yes, I do,” he whispered and immediately cleared his throat. “I do,” he repeated, a little louder, but still shaky. “And I’m very grateful for this.”

“I’ll put my hands on your shoulders,” I announced, and stepping behind him I did. He was so tense that his muscles felt like stone. I started to rub and massage his shoulders until he relaxed a little.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yes. This feels good. Thank you.”

“Are your eyes still closed?”

“Yes of course!” He sounded surprised, as if it was a silly question. It made me chuckle.

“Good boy.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said softly. It was the first time in this scene that he had addressed me by my honorific, and we both realised it at the same time. Immediately he tensed. I ran a firm hand down his spine and stopped at the small of his back.

“It’s alright. Change of rule for now: focus on yourself. It doesn’t matter if you address me correctly.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you for your understanding.”

“I’m trying to help you, Loki.”

He drew in a breath at the mention of his name.

“I can’t have you in fear. Trust me. I’m doing this for _you_. Are you okay?”

“Yes,” he said with a sigh, and then he made a conscious effort to relax. I waited until I was happy with his posture and breathing, my hands on his hips, and then I ran both hands down his thighs and up again, stepping in front of him, one hand always touching him. I ran both hands up his sides and down his chest and stomach. His eyes were still closed and he looked relaxed, enjoying the touch.

“Okay?”

“Yes,” he said with a small smile.

“Good. I want you to keep your eyes closed while I go get a toy. Can you do that?”

He swallowed, but gave me a nod.

“Good. I’ll be right back.”

I walked over to the drawer that held my toys and picked up a light flogger made from soft leather. Returning to Loki I said:

“I got a little flogger, one of those you said were all caress and no bite, remember?”

He nodded again.

“Let’s see if that’s true. Chest, stomach, ass, thighs, in that order. Understood?”

“Yes.”

I gently ran the soft leather across all the body parts I’d mentioned. Judging from the way his cock twitched he liked it, and when I asked him, he confirmed.

“You’ll still keep your eyes closed even if this little beauty _does_ bite. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Rotating my wrist I used the flogger on his chest and stomach, my eyes switching between his body and his still closed eyes. Given his pain tolerance this was still a caress, but his pale skin reddened. I switched to his ass and thighs, and when the skin there was beautifully red as well, I stopped.

“Keep your eyes closed.”

I stepped in front of him again. The tension in his body was increasing, but it was mostly arousal. Running the flogger along his ribcage I whispered:

“Relax. Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll give you a choice. This flogger is going to touch your cock and balls next.”

His chest heaved in a deep, but soundless breath.

“So, do you want it to be caress or bite?”

His breathing sped up while he was imagining it.

“Bite, please,” he finally said, tensing up in anticipation.

“I do expect you to keep your eyes closed.”

“Yes, ma’am, I will.”

“Alright. Here we go.”

Boy what a masochist this little slut was. The only thing he said while the flogger hit his balls and the base of his cock was “Harder, please. Please give me more of this.”

So I did. Every time I angled the flogger a little differently and its ends hit the tip of his cock he winced and his abs contracted, but that was it. And then I stopped because I felt like admiring my work. He was breathing hard, eyes firmly closed, and he was leaking. And I just didn’t want to ignore that. So I dropped the flogger and knelt down.

“Open your eyes.”

He did, and when he realised how close my mouth was to his cock, they widened in surprise. Holding his gaze I slightly opened my mouth and touched the tip of my tongue to my upper lip. I don’t think I’d heard that noise from him before.

“This looks delicious,” I purred and licked his tip, just once. Oh the amazing taste of pre cum… Loki’s knees buckled when I touched him, which put pressure on the collar. He struggled to straighten up and I rose. His taste still on my tongue I kissed him, pressing my body to his, trapping his cock between us, running my nails up his sides. He struggled not to return the kiss, trying to just take it, passive and open, and when I broke it I spit in his mouth. He kept my spit on his tongue, mouth slightly open, and waited for my command.

“Swallow,” I ordered, and he took his sweet time, savouring every moment, and licked his lips afterwards. I realised how wet I was, how close to needing release. So I sat down, took off my pants and got myself off while he was looking at me like he was starving. I stilled, eyes closed, and enjoyed the last twitches of my cunt beneath my fingers. And then I stood and ordered Loki to lick my hand clean, reaching between my thighs a few times. When I was dry and clean I put my pants back on and stood close. My hand wandered down his stomach and over his hipbone, pointedly avoiding his cock. I brushed his balls and he clenched his teeth.

“Again?” I whispered into his ear, and he moaned.

“Yes, please!”

So I ran my knuckles over his balls once, twice and then turned my wrist to cup them. Kneeling down again I licked them, sucked them into my mouth and played with them, using both my tongue and my hand. When I looked up at him his head was thrown back and his eyes closed.

“Come for me, fuckboy. I’ll count.”

Raising to my feet I wrapped my hand around his cock and counted backwards while setting a fast pace. At ‘four’ he panted:

“I’m so close,” and I let go and stood behind him. Would he be able to come without further stimulation, just because I said so?

“Three. Two. One. Come,” I breathed against his ear, and a moment later he did.

I gave him a minute to collect himself, and then I started to take off his restraints. He rolled his wrists and his shoulders.

“How do you feel?” I asked him while I detached the spreader bar. He bent down and helped me take off the cuffs, and when he straightened he was smiling broadly.

“Amazing.”

“Hard to keep your eyes closed until the order came?”

He shook his head.

“Not at all. I don’t feel like I deserved that ending.”

“Meh, maybe not. I mostly did that for myself.”

He chuckled.

“Anyway, it’s highly appreciated.”

“I thought so. Wanna take a shower?”

“That would be amazing, thank you.”

When he emerged from the bathroom, hair still damp, barefoot, in sweat pants and a grey t-shirt I couldn’t help but grin. Yes. A snack. I didn’t say it though, just left him to the food and water I had prepared and jumped in the shower myself. When I came back he had tidied up the whole room, everything neatly stored away, and was munching on a cracker.

“Oh wow, thank you!”

“Welcome.”

We sat down on the couch and talked over snacks and water. He made me laugh, I tried the same, and more than once I realised I liked him. A lot. When we weren’t in scene he was confident and charming, and did I mention hot? Not that he wasn’t hot _in_ scene. Anyway.

“So how do you feel about trying a blindfold next time?”

He stilled.

“Depends...”

“On what?”

He bit his lip, thinking.

“Whether or not I’m restrained, I think. And what you’re doing to me while I can’t see. If it’s as pleasurable as it was today—on the other hand if I’m actually blindfolded maybe I’ll freak out before you can even do _anything_ to me.”

“So, how about I just put a blindfold on you and see how you’re doing? Leave your hands free so you can take it off yourself?”

He smiled at me.

“Good plan.”

A few hours later he called me, stressed out and anxious, but he didn’t want to tell me what was up. He kept saying he just needed to hear my voice, and after a while he calmed down. We talked about random stuff, and agreed to meet at the little park the next day.

\---------------

We’d only walked for a few minutes when he murmured:

"I'm fighting so hard."

I glanced at him.

"What do you mean?"

"The blindfold challenge. I'm pushing myself to be able to do it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Last night, when I called you. I had tried it on my own."

"What happened?"

"I had a panic attack. And then I wanted nothing more than for you to comfort me. Motivate me. But I was scared. I mean you’re so patient with me, willing to go one step at a time, but that won't work forever, will it? I mean eventually I'll have to deliver, right?"

“We’ve only just begun!”

No reaction.

"Loki. Hey. Look at me."

He didn't.

"It's the one thing you want from me," he said, frustration evident in his voice.

"That's not true. It's one of a hundred things I want from you. The only one you couldn't give me right away, true. But if it never works I'll happily take the other 99."

He still wasn’t looking at me, and the sinking feeling I’d had before came rushing back.

"Is there something else bothering you?"

He pulled himself together and forced a smile.

"It has nothing to do with us. As much as this means to me, it's not... the only thing that's going on in my life."

I hesitated.

"Are you absolutely sure that we are good? Because if we aren't—I can't keep playing with you."

His head snapped up and he stared at me, impression unreadable. I sighed.

"I mean we can't play until whatever it is is solved."

"It's nothing. I swear. I won't bother you with it."

"It's fine if you need to talk—"

"I said it's nothing!"

His temper flared, and just as quickly it was over.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that."

He took a breath.

"I assure you we're good. There's nothing that needs solving between you and me. Okay?"

I still wasn't convinced. My gut feeling kept screaming at me that something was off.


	9. Immobilised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Bleeding cuts

We hadn’t seen each other for almost three weeks, but we’d sent a lot of texts back and forth, and the one that really got his attention was this:

‘I want you completely immobilised. The only thing you'll be able to move will be your tongue. If I'll allow it. You'll drool from your open mouth, you'll leak from your ignored cock, and you'll bleed from a hundred cuts.’

He called me immediately after reading it. So a few days later we were back in my play room, and he _was_ completed immobilised. Fixed to the pole again, this time by his hair, a collar, rope across his chest and waist. Biceps and wrists cuffed together behind his back. Ankles spread by a bar and tied to the pole. I ordered him to open his mouth and put a ring gag in, fastening the strap _around the pole_ as an additional restraint.

“Looks like you can’t move a muscle, can you?”

He tried to say ‘no’ around the gag. I punched his arm.

“Think again, idiot.”

He flexed, but none of the restraints gave way. I punched him again.

“Think. Again.”

And then he seemed to remember my text message and stuck out his tongue.

“Finally,” I sighed and attached a clamp to his tongue.

And then I got to work. The drooling happened automatically. The leaking started soon after. The bleeding I took care off. Maybe not precisely one hundred cuts, but a lot of them, shallow enough not to be a threat, but deep enough to bleed beautifully, all over his gorgeous body. And man did he enjoy it. When I was happy with my work I pointedly looked at his cock and asked:

“Would you like to come?”

“Yes,” he managed.

“Will I let you?”

He just closed his eyes and I laughed out loud. Oh this was fun. I picked out two toys, a vibrating plug and a very strong vibrator. The plug went in and was turned to the highest setting, and then I had a little fun with the vibrator. Nipples, balls, the tip of his cock. Every now and then I stopped and let him breathe. He was panting and would have hung his head if he’d had the room. I held the vibrator to the plug, intensifying its buzzing immensely, and he tried to get away from the sensation.

“Aw, is it too much?”

His moaned, stammered utterances were incomprehensible. And then I stopped, left the plug buzzing and went over to the bed, completely ignoring him. I poured myself a glass of water and ate a few snacks, and then I got naked and ran my hands over my body. I knew he could see me, but I wasn’t looking in his direction. I used the vibrator to get myself off, cleaned up and got dressed again. And then I started touching _him._ Everywhere but his groin. He was so hard it had to be painful.

“Want me to let you come?”

I could tell he was begging, even if it was inarticulate.

“Ah, I think not,” I said and started playing with the still vibrating plug.

“You’ll come if and when I feel like it, and by the time I feel like it, you might have changed your mind.”

And I busied myself with adding more cuts to those that had already stopped bleeding, knowing full well how much more it would turn on the little pain slut.  His balls were turning blue, and it just  _had_ to be unpleasant.

“Still want me to touch your junk?” I asked, flicking a finger against his balls.

Tears shot to his eyes and he actually managed to shake his head the tiniest bit, pulling on his hair. I sighed dramatically.

“Good thing I’m not listening to what my fucktoys want. A girl could get really confused there.”

And I wrapped my hand around his cock and jerked him off, his moans betraying a lot more pain than pleasure. When he came, tears were running down his face and he sagged a little, so I loosened the collar, the gag and the rope that held his hair and let him relax into the restrains around his chest and waist.

“Are you safe on your feet?” I asked, and after a moment he straightened and nodded. When I freed him he leaned on me a little, but I got him safely to the bed. He collapsed with a sigh, curled up on his side and looked at me.

“Lay with me?” he asked, sweet and gentle, and of course I did. He snuggled his face into the crook of my shoulder and let out a breath.

“All good?” I asked, trailing my hand down his side, and felt him nod. And a moment later his breathing changed and I realised he was asleep.


	10. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a first time for everything...

Soon after that Loki was standing in my play room again, his arms spread to the max, wrists cuffed to two poles. He was naked, and I had decided to use all my favourite gear on him: a collar; a ring gag; a nose hook, attached to the collar and more or less loosely to the ceiling; nipple clamps linked to each other and to a chastity cage. And when he was drooling enough I used the drool as lube for an anal hook and fixed it to his hair. I took in the picture, beautiful Loki degraded and almost unable to move. He followed me with his eyes as I moved around the room. I pointedly looked at his caged cock and sighed.

"I thought I'd need a medium sized cage but this is pathetic."

I attached a leash to the chain linking the nipple clamps and the cage, and pulled until he whimpered, standing on tip toes to ease the tension. I made a point of looking around.

"Maybe I should tie this somewhere..."

"Please," he begged, at least I think that's what it was. I tugged on the leash half a dozen times.

"Please what?"

"Please don't!"

The way he was trying to form words amused me greatly. I pulled, spit in his face and let go. He used the room to put his heels back on the floor, relaxing a little. Standing behind him I grabbed the anal hook and pulled upwards, which forced him onto tip toes again. The moment I let go I pulled on the nose hook instead.

"I love nose hooks. They make a sub look absolutely pathetic."

Spitting in his face again I let go and played with the chastity cage.

"You don't seem to like this very much. At least I'm not seeing any proof."

I stood in front of him, trapping his cock between us, and hissed in his face:

"Do you or don't you enjoy being degraded, slut?"

He tried to answer me, but I just laughed at him.

"Maybe I should record this. It's so pathetic it's almost funny. Try again."

Of course he failed again. And again. I sighed and stepped back.

"Well since you're incapable of human speech you obviously don't need that tongue."

His eyes widened.

"Stick it out."

He did, albeit reluctantly. I took up a knife. He froze, staring at the blade in my hand.

Slashing it across his chest I hissed:

"Let's try that again. Tongue in. And when I say 'Stick it out' I want it out immediately, enthusiastically and as far as humanly possible, is that understood?!"

He nodded vigorously.

"Finally some brains," I sighed and repeated my order. He obeyed perfectly. I collected a bit of saliva and spit it forcefully into his open mouth, licked across his upper lip and murmured:

"Good little slut."

I think he tried to thank me but there was really no way of knowing.

"Like I said. I don't see what you would need that tongue for, so..."

Holding up two chopsticks and two rubber bands I grinned at him, and a minute later he was unable to pull his tongue back inside his mouth. And I took my sweet time looking at him.

What a picture. His body spread open, blood trickling from the cut on his chest, his caged cock desperately trying to get hard, and his tongue blocked outside his mouth with absolutely no room to move. He was drooling like crazy now, lowering his head as far as he could in order to keep from choking on his spit. It was running down his chin and neck, dripping to his chest and running down his stomach. I laid down on the bed and caressed my boobs, ran my hand down my stomach and between my legs, rubbing my cunt through the pants. His eyes were glued to me. He was leaking and covered in my spit and his own drool. I stood and smeared it over his trapped cock, and he twisted his hips.

"Are you moving _away_ from me or into my touch, slut?"

The look in his eyes told me he desperately wanted to answer me. Which made me laugh.

"Too bad you can't talk. If you were human, we could have a decent conversation, but since you're not... come to think of it I'll need a new name for you. What do you call a useless thing that has no worth... garbage? That's what you are, useless disgusting garbage."

I spit in his face and on his cock.

"Shall we try if you can speak?"

He nodded slowly, unsure what he was getting himself into. I took off the chopsticks, and the fact that he didn't move his tongue, just begged with his eyes, turned me on more than any of the things I had done to him so far.

"You may retract that tongue," I said, and my voice sounded almost loving. 

He made a point of doing it slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, and once again I licked across his lips, still forced open by the ring gag. He shuddered and tried to move into the touch as much as he could. I reached behind his head and unbuckled the gag, and the moment it came off I kissed him, a brutal attack on his mouth, possessive and relentless. He moaned into my mouth, accepting the abuse, neither responding nor trying to avoid it, and then I broke the kiss and bit him, right where his neck met his shoulder, hard enough to taste blood. Which I immediately spat at him. He'd whimpered but hadn't moved away from my teeth breaking his flesh, and he didn't flinch when my bloody spit hit his cheek. I took a step back.

"You're truly disgusting."

"I know, ma'am, I'm sorry."

"Ah, it speaks. Tell me, what are you?"

"I'm useless, ma'am, not worth your time or attention."

"True. Actually you're not worth breathing my air."

I took off the nose hook, covered his mouth with my hand and pinched his nose. For a few seconds he just froze, and then he tried to suck in some air through his mouth. I adjusted my grip on his mouth to the point of painful. His eyes met mine, and they were pleading. I counted to three in my head and let go. He drew in the deepest breath and let it out again, and I was on him immediately, cutting off his air again.

"Did you just take a breath and not use it to say anything useful?"

He nodded, eyes begging for forgiveness. The next time I let him breathe he thanked me.

"There we go. It can be trained."

He was still panting, trying to get some oxygen into his lungs.

"Let's see what else it can say. I'm listening?"

"I'm not sure what you want me to say, ma'am, I'm sorry."

I sighed.

"Fine. Repeat after me. I'm worthless."

"I'm worthless, ma'am."

"I'm a disgusting, pathetic piece of shit. Say it."

He did, and I went on to call him a slut, a toy, made to be degraded, whose only purpose was to take pain and humiliation until I lost my interest. He repeated it all back to me, willing and obedient, moaning in pleasure.

"Good. I'm done with _that_ hole."

So I tightened the rope that attached the anal hook to his hair, forcing his head back and bending his spine. As a result his caged cock stood out quite invitingly. He was leaking, and the pressure had to be truly painful. I flicked a finger against the tip. Loki panted, eyes shut tight.

"How many times can you take that, you think? No wait, why ask a piece of shit for its opinion before you kick it. Never mind."

And I did it again and again until he sobbed in pain, and after a particularly vicious hit he rushed out his safeword. I immediately loosened the anal hook rope and unclipped all the restraints, and when he swayed on his feet I wrapped my arms around him to steady him. He was crying on my shoulder, and after a moment his arms came up to hug me back, clinging to me.

"Sshhh, it's okay. It's over, gorgeous. Let's rest a little."

When he laid down on the bed I careful opened the chastity cage and freed his poor cock, which led to a pathetic little ejaculation and a major sigh of relief. After that he lay completely still, eyes closed, barely breathing. The cut on his chest had stopped bleeding. I went to get a wet cloth and cleaned up the mess of blood and saliva, and he still didn't move.

"How do you feel?" I gently asked.

"Empty," he said after a long moment, voice neutral.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

Eyes still closed he smiled, exhausted but content. A tear ran down his temple when he breathed:

"Good. Entirely good."

I felt incredibly relieved.

"This was a first," I said with a smile.

He nodded and opened his eyes.

"The first time I used my safeword."

"And how do you feel about _that_?"

"It's such a relief. Like I finally achieved something I've been craving."

"You know, usually I try to avoid that. 'The best safeword is the one you never need' and such. But with you... I felt like maybe I'd do you a favour if I pushed you that far."

"You did, and I'm incredibly grateful. Thank you for giving me that.”

"Not too much then?"

"No," he sighed. "Perfect. Are _you_ okay? Did you get what you wanted? What you needed? Was it... was I enough?"

I smiled at him.

"Oh yeah. You're gorgeous. You suffer so beautifully, and you can take so much, and it's such fun. I'm really loving this."

He returned my smile and pressed a tiny kiss to my knuckles.

"Good. I like the sound of that."


	11. Overrule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is a greedy little shit.

We’d been talking and resting for a while, me casually touching him now and then, him just laying still, when he drew a breath.

“I know this is pushy after what you've just done for me, and I think I know what you're going to say, but hear me out, okay?"

"Okay?"

"There's this fantasy I've had for a long time. The only people who were willing to go there weren't really trustworthy. But you..."

He took a deep breath.

"What if we went _over_ my limits. If you kept going, without a safeword... until I pass out?"

My throat went dry.

"Please don't say 'no' right away. Consider it? Please?"

I tried to swallow.

"I don't think you realise what you're asking of me there. You’ll get real angry, and the top drop is going to be hell."

He seemed to think about that. A little hesitantly he said:

"What's top drop like for you?"

"You're a switch. Have you ever experienced it?"

"Not really. I haven't dommed in a long time. And I've never gone to extremes. So, no, I don't really know what it's like. Not from experience."

"Guilt, obviously. But it's more than that. I feel like I'm a monster. A horrible person. Unworthy of love or trust."

He swallowed hard.

"How do you overcome that?!"

"Communication. If the sub isn't willing or able to talk about it, it’ll get ugly. And it'll take weeks with something as extreme as you have in mind. Even _if_ we talk. I can't, Loki."

He kept quiet for a while. And then he softly said:

"I'm sorry. I realise I have no right to ask that of you."

I felt relieved, but also guilty for disappointing him.

"I'm sorry too. It's hard for me to say no to you."

He visibly perked up at that.

"Is it?"

I laughed.

"Yes. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you're gorgeous. I haven't enjoyed playing with anyone as much as I enjoyed it with you in a long time. You're special. I really really want to keep seeing you."

"Which is Domme talk for 'keep hurting you.'"

"Correct."

When I saw his grin I swatted his arm.

"Don't get cocky, fuckboy."

And just like that the cockiness was gone.

"Say that again, please," he whispered, looking up at me, his eyes huge and pleading.

"Have we found your name? Fuckboy? Is that what I should call you?"

He nodded vigorously. I rolled on top of him. Yup, he definitely liked that name. I sat up, straddling him, and pinned both of his hands down on the mattress. Rolling my hips I repeated it:

"That's what you are. A fuckboy. Made to please. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, ma'am. That's what I'm good for."

I hummed.

"It also means that you _get_ fucked. That dildo you liked so much... up your world class ass... again and again until you come undone..."

His eyes closed and he went slack beneath me.

"And the other one... down your throat... deeper and deeper until you can take all of it. You'll gag on it. You'll drool. And I'll force it back in until you're reduced to tears."

He was desperately trying to keep control but he was obviously just as turned on as I was.

"That's not usually how this works but I really want you," I whispered right into his ear. And then I remembered what he'd said about sex and sobered. Pulling back I took a deep breath, and then I put some distance between us.

"Sorry. Got carried away but that's no excuse. I'm really sorry."

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have reacted this strongly."

"Well you can't control your reactions. It's nice to know I have that effect on you. Very flattering."

He grinned.

"You do. You're a dangerous woman. And there's no way I can resist you."

I looked at him, trying to assess the situation.

"Does that mean you'd have sex with me?"

"Why not?"

"Because that's not what we agreed on."

He hesitated that tiny bit too long, and it sobered me up all the way.

"I'm really sorry, Loki. I was trying to take advantage of you and that's low."

"But you want me? Vanilla style?"

"Well, nothing I do is completely vanilla but yeah. It wouldn't have to be painful, or humiliating. You're hot. And you know it."

He actually blushed at that.

"Well so are you."

"But you're not convinced."

"It's—complicated."

"I see."

I laid back and looked at the ceiling.

"Please don't be mad," he said very softly.

I turned to look at him.

"I'm not! It's my fault for hitting on you when you said from the start that you're not after sex."

I still wanted him. I knew I'd get myself off thinking of him later. But that wasn't his problem.

"Can we—may I still play with you?"

His tone of voice broke my heart. He was genuinely scared that I'd withdraw from him because he'd turned me down. I reached out and gently caressed his face.

"Of course. You did nothing wrong, Loki. I did. So if anything it's you who has to determine if you still trust me."

He gave me a wide smile.

"I do. So we're good?"

"Yes. We're good."


	12. Blindfold Training II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still making progress :-)

The next time we met we sat down in the playroom, getting comfortable on the couch, and I smiled at him.

“How do you feel about tackling the blindfold together? I know it didn’t go so well the last time you tried it, so I understand if you don’t want to go there.”

“I do,” he said after a brief moment. “With you, I think I’ll do better. It was stupid to try it on my own.”

“I get why you wanted to try. It might have worked. Shall we see what the best approach might be? Talk it through?”

He started to smile and nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s make a plan.”

Half an hour later we were both eager to test the plan, and so it began. I went to get a blindfold and handed it to him.

“No restraints. You choose your position.”

He bit his lip and stood.

“I think I’d like to get comfortable.”

Going over to the bed and laying down on his back he looked at me.

“Join me?”

Of course I did. He handed me back the blindfold.

“Would you, please?”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

“Yes. I can remove it any time, but I’d still like it to be something you do to me. Your decision.”

Hoo boy. It’s the little things.

“Alright then, here we go.”

I put it on his head and slowly pulled it down. When it was in place I kept my hands on his face for a moment.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, tense, but not freaking out.

“Good. So let’s get you out of your shirt. If you need me to stop doing whatever it is that I’m doing, call ‘yellow’. If you want the blindfold gone, call ‘red’. If all else fails just pull it off. Nothing bad is going to happen if you do that, okay? I won’t be angry. Don’t feel bad about it. Understood?”

He nodded again, still tense. I put my palms flat against his chest.

“Breathe, lovely.”

He did, taking a deep, somewhat uneven breath, and relaxed a little.

“Good boy. Let me look at you.”

I opened the first three buttons on his shirt, slow and careful, checking his breathing. When the shirt fell open I said:

“I’ll push it off your shoulders now. Can you sit up for me?”

He immediately did and helped me take off the shirt.

“Still okay?”

“Yes.”

He was smiling, more and more relaxed.

“Want me to keep talking you through things?”

He hesitated for a moment.

“Just warn me if it’s going to be something painful, okay?”

“Of course. I was thinking more along the lines of getting you a little more naked first.”

And I did. Opening his jeans wasn’t a problem, sliding them down his legs wasn’t either. On the contrary. He was enjoying it. I decided not to go full on nudity but to switch gears instead.

“Okay?”

“Yup.”

“Not gonna tell you what’s about to happen, but I promise you’ll like it. Trust me?”

He tensed up again but nodded. I went to get the light little flogger and dragged it across his chest. Yes. He did like it. Down his stomach and up again, over his arms and hands and back to his chest. He let out a tiny little sigh, a content smile on his lips. Which froze the moment I dragged the flogger over his groin and down his thigh. He swallowed hard and I withdrew.

“Talk to me?”

“Hot,” he panted. “Please don’t stop. Please!”

Grinning to myself I continued caressing his whole body, quietly talking to him the whole time, checking if he was still okay with the blindfold every minute or so. He kept nodding. And then I put away the flogger. My hand on his shoulder I asked:

“Do you think you can take a tiny little pain while still blindfolded?”

He knew what I had in mind, we’d talked about it, but I was curious to see if he’d want to go through with it. His breathing sped up.

“Yes. Let’s try.”

Going over to the drawer I kept talking:

“You know, I was surprised that you agreed on wax play. Given that fire and heat are a no?”

He shifted his shoulders a little.

“Yeah I was a little surprised myself to be honest. But I used to love the way wax feels on my skin, and I think it’s just different enough to still be pleasurable. Different to the torture memories I mean. So much more subtle and sophisticated. I really think it’s safe.”

“Okay, so I’ll tell you exactly where I’m aiming and always warn you in advance. Can you manage that?”

“Yes. Let’s hope you have good aim.”

I chuckled.

“Don’t make me laugh or it might not be that great.”

I took a breath.

“Codes ‘yellow’ and ‘red’ are still in place, remember?”

“’Yellow’ for stop, ‘red’ for blindfold off. Check.”

“Good. Here we go. Right shoulder. And—now.”

A few little drops of wax splashed his skin and he let out a breath.

“Right arm.” “All the way down to your wrist.”

I waited a moment for the wax to solidify.

“Turn your palms up. I’ll go all the way back to your shoulder on the inside of your arm.”

He hissed when the wax hit him but didn’t move a muscle.

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

When his arms and torso were covered in a pattern of dots and lines, his pale skin reddening, I stopped.

“Break?”

He shook his head.

“Surprise me.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want to push myself. I think I can take it.”

“Okay… is all of your body a go or anything off limits?”

“No limits. Get me fully naked, please?”

Oh wow. He was really pushing it…  so  I did as he’d asked.

“Okay. So from now on I won’t say anything, just have a go. Are you okay with that?”

He drew a breath and let it out through his mouth.

“Hit me.”

And I did. Wax splashed on his stomach and legs, his arms and feet. I made sure there wasn’t a pattern he could have predicted, but he took it in stride.  And then a line ran diagonally from his hipbone to his thigh, right across his groin, and he bucked into it and let out a moan that could have been the death of me. He wasn’t even aware of the blindfold any longer I guessed.

“Want that again?” I purred.

“God yes!”

So I did it again, the other way around this time, the lines forming an X. And then, while he was still processing the sensation,  down the inside of his right thigh and up the left thigh, making a little swirl on top of the point where the lines crossed, and he sounded as if he was coming on the spot. I blew out the candle.

“Want the blindfold on or off for your reward?”, I murmured, lightly stroking his thigh but avoiding his balls and cock.

“On. Keep in on please. Whatever you have in mind please let me be helpless for a little longer.”

So I trailed my fingertips from his balls to the tip of his cock and back, swirling and rubbing and peeling off wax, and when his skin was red but clean I wrapped my hand around him and jerked him off, and while he was still riding it out I took off the blindfold. He kept his eyes closed and hummed in pleasure, and a cute little proud smile spread on his beautiful face.

“Look at me,” I murmured, and when he did I kissed his cheekbone. “You did amazing. Did you even remember you were wearing a blindfold?”

“Not at all times,” he said, and the cute smile turned into a smug grin that made me chuckle.

“I am so proud of you,” I said, and the grin turned a little sheepish.

“Thank you. For all of this”, he whispered and traced my face with his fingertips. “We did it.”

“We really did. Together.”

He closed his eyes again, happy and spent and proud, and I felt the same.


	13. CNC Negotiations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny one

I got comfortable beside him and pulled the blanket over us, and after a few minutes of silence I cleared my throat.

“I've been thinking about your consensual non con scenario,” I said.

He turned to look at me, eyebrows raised.

“You have?”

I nodded.

“Do you still want that?”

“Yes,” he said. “I do. What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t have a specific scene yet but what if I gave you a master safeword? That way I could overrule your regular safeword and keep pushing until I'm satisfied—or until you stop me for real.”

“Like a third stage after ‘red’ you mean?”

“Yes.”

He took a deep breath.

“I think that might work. And I’d really like to try it.”

He sat up.

“Thank you. I know what I’m asking of you.”

“We’d have to plan this very, very thoroughly. No mistakes. I need to know that we’re on the same page and that you’re okay with what’s going on. I’ll aim for pushing you to the point where you _almost_ need the master safeword but not quite.”

He smiled at me, open and grateful.

“If we manage that, it would be heaven.”

“Or hell, more likely,” I said with a grin.

He slowly shook his head.

“No. Heaven. I mean it.”

“No lightening of the mood then. Check.”

He chuckled.

“You’re gorgeous.”

“And you are bat shit crazy. And a sick fuck. And also very, very hot.”

“That’s the way you like ‘em, baby,” he drawled, laying back and wiggling his hips, and I burst out laughing.


	14. Clubbing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the M/M pairing happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and another short one

One night I ran into Loki at a club. Or actually I stumbled across him while he was busy getting up close and personal with a cute blond guy, the type who look like they are barely legal well into their thirties. I got myself a drink and watched them. They were dancing, close, and there was something really hot about seeing my sub dominate that slender body, even if it was just on the dance floor. The kid turned around in Loki's arms, eyes closed, the back of his head resting against Loki's collarbone—and that's when Loki met my eyes. He gave me a smile and leaned down to say something to the boy who nodded and turned back to kiss Loki. I grinned. The kid was totally smitten and I couldn't blame him.

A minute later the man in question leaned on the bar next to me and ordered drinks.

"I thought you didn't do guys these days," I said with a grin.

"Have you seen him?!"

That made me chuckle. He _was_ cute. Not necessarily my type, but cute.

Loki got their drinks but didn't return to the dance floor right away.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Never better. And by the way I'm not planning on doing him. It's just a little fun with a cute boy."

I raised my hands.

"Hey you do what you want. Absolutely none of my business."

"I know. I just meant... It's still true what I told you. I can't."

"Not even when you top? I mean I could be wrong but _tha_ _t..._ " I gestured to the kid who was dancing on his own now “… looks distinctively bottomy to me."

Loki didn't say anything, but he looked pensive.


	15. Mik

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically I can’t tell this part. This is where my first person POV is biting my lovely backside, but I like it so I’ll keep it. Screw the rules.

_"Who's the lady?" Mik asked when Loki returned with their drinks and they found a cosy little corner._   
_"Someone I know."_   
_Mik studied him._   
_"How closely?"_   
_Loki smiled._   
_"It's complicated."_   
_"So you're... dating?"_   
_"No. I told you. Complicated."_   
_"But you're not gay."_   
_"Nope. Bisexual."_   
_"And you like her."_   
_"I do. I trust her. I owe her."_   
_Mik cocked his head._   
_"I'm not sure I understand that relationship."_   
_"That makes two of us," Loki sighed jokingly._

_They talked a little more, had another drink and started making out, and an hour later Mik was on his knees, opening Loki's pants and sliding them down his legs. The boy's dark eyes widened._  
 _"Did you get in a fight?"_  
 _Loki tried to do the maths. When was the last time…? Huh. Less than 48 hours, and she had been brutal, focusing entirely on his thighs, laying into the same spots over and over again until he'd finally reached his limits and safeworded. So it made sense that the bruises would still be visible up close. Loki reached out and framed Mik's face._  
 _"Don't worry. I'm good."_  
 _Mik ran his hands over Loki's thighs._  
 _"These have to be painful," he said quietly._  
 _"I barely notice them."_  
 _Which was a lie. The deep, dull ache was still quite distinctive. Mik started kissing them, and that felt glorious._  
 _"Let me take care of you," the kid whispered, and Loki bit back a grin. Mik_ _meant well, and he seemed to enjoy the role of care taker, so Loki relaxed and let the boy do his thing._


	16. Gentleman

The next time I met Loki I deadpan asked:

“Did you fuck the cutie from the club?”

“The gentleman never tells.”

I burst out laughing.

“Fair enough. None of my business. I might have imagined the two of you though.”

Loki raised an eyebrow.

“Both of us collared and leashed?”

Bam. What an image. Before I could indulge in it Loki shook his head.

“He's as gay as they come and the most vanilla person I know. Sorry.”

I sighed dramatically.

“Girl can dream.”

He chuckled.

“His name is Mik by the way. Apparently he saw me talking to you, and he asked a lot of questions.”

Now it was my time to raise my eyebrows.

“Very respectful, intelligent questions,” Loki added.

“What happened to 'the gentleman never tells'?”

“I didn't say I answered them. He asked me if I thought he could meet you. _That_ I did answer. Told him I'd ask. Which I'm currently doing.”

“Huh. He's vanilla you said.”

“Not a kinky bone in his body. But he's smart and curious and very open minded. Could be educational.”

And that’s how I ended up on Mik’s podcast. He turned out to be smart and funny, and I could see why Loki liked him. I liked him, too.


	17. Blindfold Training III

The next time I put a blindfold on Loki he was cuffed to the bed. Which did make him nervous. I caressed his whole body, talking to him, praising him, until he relaxed and started to enjoy it. I kissed his neck and chest and stomach, and he hummed in pleasure.

“Can we take this a step further? Light pain with a warning?” I whispered into his ear, and after a moment he nodded. So I took up the crop and lightly patted his chest and arms, always telling him in advance. Moving to more sensitive spots worked fine, and so did hitting harder.

“Open your thighs for me,” I ordered, and he did almost eagerly. “Ten on every thigh, right first,” I announced and immediately did it, then switched to his left thigh. I rubbed the tip of the crop over his reddened skin, and he moved into it.

“Do you like this, little pain slut?”

“Yes, ma’am, I do. Can I have more please?”

“Sure, if you’re up to it… same procedure.”

I made sure to hit the welts, and his moans started sounding less like pleasure and more like pain. He started to flinch away from the hits, too. Rubbing the crop over his balls made him freeze.

“You will take three to the balls before I’ll release you. Understood?”

He swallowed.

“How hard will they be, ma’am?”

“Increasingly,” I said, and I knew it sounded smug.

He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, preparing to take it. His abs tensed up, very beautifully by the way, and he held his breath. My grin turned wider.

“I’ll count before the hit. You’ll say ‘thank you’ every time like a good little slave, understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Between clenched teeth.

I lifted the crop. “One.” It went down.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Two.”

He let out a sob and pulled up his knees in an attempt to protect himself, but thanked me nonetheless.

“Such a well trained little thing… so polite, and so grateful...”

“Thank you ma’am. I aim to please.”

I felt my eyebrows raise.

“Are you being sassy, fuckboy?”

“No! Oh god I’m sorry if it sounded that way! I meant it, ma’am. I’ll do whatever pleases you.”

“More like you’ll _take_ whatever pleases me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He deliberately relaxed his muscles, knowing full well how much that last hit was going to hurt.

“Breathe,” I said gently. “It’s almost over. One more time. Three.”

That last one made tears spring from his eyes and he was panting for quite a while before he remembered to thank me. Holding the crop to his mouth I waited for him to kiss it, and he did, lips trembling. I dropped it and kissed him, lingering and gentle, all reward and comfort, and he whispered another ‘thank you’ when I pulled back.


	18. Top Drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not everything is amazeballs all the time... also this is a longer chapter *cough* SluttySnake *cough*

The worst night I’d had in a long time started out quite promising. Beautiful Loki standing in my playroom, naked, wrists cuffed overhead, holding on to his chains. He’d felt like deep muscle pain, and I was happy to oblige. Baton it was. His biceps and thighs were turning colourful, and his moans told me he was close—either to coming or safewording. I was curious to see which one it would be. And then the world came to an end. I knew I’d missed my aim the moment I brought the baton down, but it was too late to stop its momentum and it crashed down on Loki’s knee. He screamed. I dropped the baton and vaguely registered it clattering to the floor and hitting my ankle, and then I grabbed the thick blanket from the bed and threw it to the floor before removing the restrains holding Loki up. Thankfully he didn’t crash to the floor but held his weight on his good leg until I guided him onto the blanket. He lay back, panting, pale, sweat on his forehead. I knelt beside him.

“Okay. I’ll have to leave the room for a second, okay? Get my phone. I’ll be right back.”

He grabbed my arm.

“No.”

“It’ll be only a few seconds, I promise.”

“No, I mean you don’t need your phone.”

“Are you kidding me? I just shattered your knee! We need an ambulance!”

He held on to me with both hands and looked straight into my eyes.

“You didn’t. It's not broken. And even if it was, it would heal. Believe me, I know. All I need is a little rest. And I’d really appreciate it if I wouldn’t have to put any weight on it for a day or so.”

“I heard the sound, Loki. No way is your knee okay.”

He lay back down and closed his eyes.

“I didn’t say okay. I said not broken. Ice would be nice if you have any.”

“Oh god sure. I’ll be back in a second. Painkillers would probably be a good idea, too.”

He just nodded and I rushed out of the room.

A few minutes later his leg was supported by pillows, another pillow under his head, he’d had a handful of codeine and paracetamol pills and as much water as I could get into him, and I collapsed on the floor beside him. Brutal adrenaline crash. My hands started shaking and I felt sick. Pulling a second blanket over him I lay down, briefly wondering about the slight pain in my ankle, and swallowed around the lump in my throat.

“I’m sorry, Loki. This shouldn’t have happened. It mustn’t happen. I’m so, so sorry. I’ll do what I can to help you get better and if you want to report me, I’ll fully cooperate.”

He huffed out a breath.

“Why would I want to report you? It was an accident.”

“It was my fault.”

“What we do is dangerous. Risky. Accidents are bound to happen. I’ll live.”

I felt tears pool in my eyes but fought them back.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. “Is there anything I can do?”

He shook his head, eyes closed, looking entirely spent.

“I think I’ll just rest for a while, and maybe later you could help me get on the bed?”

The tears were flowing freely now and I gave up fighting them.

“Of course,” I said, still keeping my voice to a whisper to hide the fact that I was crying. He didn’t need to know that. I waited until he was dozing off, and then I left the room as quietly as possible. Locking myself in the bathroom I undressed and stepped into the shower. I sat down and finally allowed myself to cry, desperate painful sobs covered by the running shower. This was a disaster. The ultimate catastrophe. Even if he made good on his word and didn’t press charges he’d never want to play with me again. Probably preferred to never see me again. I couldn’t blame him. If he was right and his knee really wasn’t broken, which I still didn’t believe—wait a second, did he say he _knew_ what a broken knee felt like, and that it would heal even if it was broken, like he was speaking from experience? And now I actually did get sick. I slammed the taps shut and rushed out of the shower and over the toilet, puking my guts out. When I’d calmed down a little I thought I heard something. I held my breath. Yes. Loki was calling for me. I wrapped a bath towel around myself and hurried back to the playroom.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern in his voice.

I started laughing. I knew it was hysterical laughter and fought to control it.

“Seriously? You’re asking _me_ if I’m okay?”

“I thought I heard you be sick, so I was a little worried.”

“I was. I’m good. I’ll be fine. It’s—”

“Hey,” he said softly and patted the blanket he was laying on. “Come here.”

I lay down awkwardly, unsure how close I was allowed to be, and he pulled me into his side.

“It’s okay. We’ll be okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You know how fast I heal.”

“But—this has to be so painful. And it’s my fault. I am so, so sorry!”

“I told you it’s alright. I’m not holding it against you.”

“How bad is it?”

“Not the kind of pain I’m overly fond of.”

I winced. Translation: majorly bad.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. I felt like even if I said it a million times it wouldn’t be enough.

“Can you stop apologising, please? I’ll live. We’re good.”

“We’re good?!”

I sat up.

“No way are you telling me you still trust me!”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I fucking destroyed your knee!”

“Don’t be overly dramatic. It will heal. I told you, I know what I’m talking about.”

So I hadn’t imagined it. He _had_ been there before. Neither one of us spoke for quite a while after that.

I cleared my throat.

“How about we get you a little more comfortable?

“I’m butt naked already,” he said, deadpan, and it made me burst out laughing.

“You know what I mean.”

“Bed?”

“Bed.”

He took a breath.

“Yeah, probably a good idea. I know you don’t usually allow that, but I’m afraid I won’t be getting down the staircase tonight, so—can I please stay the night?”

The lump in my throat was back.

“Oh my god, of course! Do you really think I’d throw you out of the house? Like this? After what I did to you? Of course you’re staying! As long as it takes.”

“Thank you. I don’t think it will be very long. The night, maybe tomorrow. After that I should be okay to take a cab.”

I chose not to comment on that.

“Let’s get you up.”

I helped him to stand and hobble over to the bed, and then propped his leg up again. He sank back into the pillows with a sigh, equal parts pain and relief.

“Thank you.”

“Fresh ice?”

“Yes, please.”

I brought him the ice and then went to get dressed. My ankle was turning blue where the falling baton had hit it. Served me right. I fixed a little something to eat  and carried it to the playroom, but Loki was asleep when I got there. I very quietly sat down on the sofa and ate a little, making sure to leave enough for him, and then I just waited for him to wake up.

It took that night and the next day, and in the evening he started putting weight on his knee. I couldn’t believe it.

“Told ya,” he said with a shrug. “Should be good to manage the stairs and get in a cab.”

He reached for his phone but I stopped him.

“Hey. Wait. You don’t have to force yourself. Rest for another night. See how you feel tomorrow.”

He hesitated.

“By tomorrow I might be able to drive.”

“I’m willing to believe that,” I said. “I’ve decided to stop racking my brain about your healing abilities.”

He smiled and shrugged again.

“So, are you sure?”

“Yes. Let’s eat something and maybe watch a movie, and you can get some more sleep. Help your body heal itself.”

“It does sound nice,” he said softly, and so it was settled.

The next morning he actually managed the stairs, not as smoothly as usual but without too much trouble, and drove home without having an accident. He texted me after he got there, saying he was propped up on his couch. The day after he didn’t feel any pain, just a dull throbbing, and another day later he was fine.

‘I’m so, so relieved,’ I texted him.

‘Told you. Like a thousand times? So now that I’m back to form, wanna meet?’

I stared at my phone.

‘What? Don’t you want me any more? ;-)’

I called him.

“I can’t believe you’re really considering… playing with me again!”

“Why not? It was an accident. Accidents happen. We discussed that.”

I had to take a breath.

“Do you really still trust me?”

“Yes. Without a doubt. You’d never harm me on purpose. The fact that you’re still beating yourself up over this tells me everything I need to know. I don’t want to stop.”

I was so moved that I had to blink a few times, my throat getting tight.

“I can’t tell you how much that means to me, Loki.”

“I know it does. Because it’s the same for me. I’d like to see you. We have a challenge to tackle.”

“The blindfold?”

“The blindfold. Up until now you’ve been very considerate about it, always communicating, always mindful. I’d like you to really push me next time. Surprise me. Make it random, unpredictable. Make me feel helpless. At your mercy. Like… like I was back then. Maybe even a hood?”

“A hood?! Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Not entirely. Maybe start with the blindfold, see what I can take, and switch to a hood if I pass?”

I didn’t fully want to admit it, but the idea of pushing him that hard _was_ a turn on. I probably wouldn’t have to get even close to his pain limit, but the mind fuck was delicious. Toying with his fear… but so soon after the near catastrophe we’ve just come out of? I told him I was game, but needed a little time to prepare. And spent the next two weeks playing with other subs. Easier stuff, not as dark, building my confidence back up. By the end of those two weeks I was so eager to get my hands on him that it was almost scary. I called him and made a date, and it was obvious that he was busting at the seams even harder than I was. Fun!


	19. Blindfold Training IV

L oki had asked me to  _start_ with the blindfold, and after a lot of back and forth I had agreed to it, so there he was, standing in my playroom in jeans and a t-shirt. There weren’t any toys or tools on display because I wanted to keep him in the dark. Not knowing what was going to happen was an essential part of this scene, and I had to admit to myself how hot it was. He nodded, and I put the blindfold on him, giving him a moment to adjust. I checked his safewords and  insisted on him using them if necessary.

“This is tricky. No false bravery, you hear me?”

“Yes, I do. I promise.”

“Okay. Here we go.”

I  stood behind him and opened his bun, wrapping his hair around my fist once. Forcing him to walk backwards was a risk, so I took my time leading him to the spot where I wanted him. He was tense, insecure, a little unstable on his feet. But he was breathing evenly. I took a moment to look at what I could see of his face and he seemed okay. Stepping in front of him I ordered:

“Hands.”

I cuffed them together  and stepped back.

“Turn. Slowly. At least three times.”

I walked around the room myself.

“Opposite direction.”

Taking someone’s sense of direction away can be very effective. I  let him wait while I looped a piece of rope through the hook on the ceiling,  then went  around the room again. He was waiting, cuffed hands in front of his body, probably trying to figure out what I was doing.  I stepped close and  tied the rope  hanging from the ceiling to  the cuffs.  Pulling on the free end of the rope I forced his hands above his head. Judging from his reaction he hadn’t seen that coming. Well… anyway.  I tied off the rope and ran my hands over his whole body. The moment he made a sound I slapped him, harder than I would normally start out. A lot harder. The brutality of the blow and the fact that he’d had no warning made for a very satisfying reaction. I left him panting, an imprint of my hand standing out on his pale skin. When he didn’t say anything I pulled his head back by his hair.

“Are we missing something?” I hissed in his face.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he rushed out.

I let go of his hair and slapped him again, and before he could thank me I kissed him, broke the kiss and immediately slapped him again.  He hung his head and whispered his thanks. I retreated as quietly as I could, circling him, and then, without warning, lashed out with a belt. The blow landed between his shoulder blades and made him stumble forward. He struggled to find his feet for a moment, and by the time he did I had changed position and the belt hit his chest. I hit him a few more times, irregular rhythm, different parts of his body, the blows never coming from the same direction twice.

“Please,” he whispered and I stopped for a moment, waiting for one of his safewords, but it didn’t come. “Please stop,” he said instead, and I hit him again. He was panting, hanging his head, feet apart to keep his balance. Too tempting to resist. I dropped the belt, took up my crop instead, and delivered a series of half a dozen upward blows between his spread legs. He was standing on tiptoes, twisting his hips to avoid it. Which didn’t do anything but make him lose his footing again. When I paused he set his heels down and I stepped very close.

“Please,” he whispered again. “Please let it be over.”

“Oh honey,” I purred and ran my hand down his stomach and between his thighs. “This is nowhere _close_ to being over.”

I grabbed his t-shirt with both hands and tore it off his body, stuffing a corner of the ruined fabric into his mouth.

“I don’t want to hear your voice right now.”

Standing behind him I reached around and opened his jeans, pulled them down over his hips and off, and then I moved in again, pushing my hand into his briefs and between his thighs to grab his balls. He froze. I waited for a moment, and when he still  didn’t seem to breathe I reached around him with my free hand and pulled the ruined shirt out of his mouth.

“Yellow,” he said after a moment, and I carefully withdrew my hand, letting go of his balls and putting some distance between us. And then he started to struggle against his restrains, moving his head from side to side.

“Please… I… please… red! Red!”

I immediately pulled the blindfold off and loosened the rope holding up his wrists, and then I took his hands.

“Hey. Look at me. It’s alright. Sshh. Loki. Look at me please.”

He didn’t, staring at nothing instead. I took off one cuff and pulled him into an embrace, and he relaxed the tiniest bit and started breathing a little deeper. I sat him down on the couch and knelt down to take off the other cuff,  and taking his hands again I kept talking to him in a low, gentle voice.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. You’re safe, okay? It’s me. It’s over. All good. Okay?”

When he finally looked me in the eye I sighed in relief.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice flat.

“It’s alright. Don’t worry.”

“I failed.”

“It’s fine, Loki.”

“I’ll try again. We can try again. I’m good, we can—”

It broke my heart. I sat down  on the couch and pulled him into my arms.

“It’s _fine_ , Loki. It’s okay. Breathe.”

He took a few deliberately deep breaths. I gently rubbed his back and murmured:

“Relax. Please try to relax.”

After a while he pulled back and gave me a shaky smile.

“Better,” he said softly. “Thank you.”

“Welcome. Want me to try and relax you some more?”

He raised an eyebrow and I grinned, slipping off the couch and kneeling between his thighs. His eyes widened.

“Do you want my mouth on you?” I asked him.

“That… you never...”

“Yes? Or no?”

“I… I didn’t achieve the goal. Why would you reward me if I didn’t—”

I rested my chin on his knee.

“What do you think the goal was?”

“Well—tolerating a blindfold?”

“You have, many times, and you did just now!”

“Tolerating a blindfold no matter what,” he specified.

I sighed and straightened.

“Oh Loki. You’re so hard on yourself. Think about it. Is that realistic? The things you went through were horrible. They’ve been haunting you for a long time. Do you really think you’ll overcome that trauma this quickly?”

“But that can take forever! It’s going to take so much patience.”

“True. But I think you can do it because it means something to you.”

“From you, I meant! How can I expect you to spend all that time on something that doesn’t hold any benefit for you when you could be playing with someone without baggage instead? Or do something to me that I can take without training?”

I had to take a breath.

“I _want_ to play with you because you’re gorgeous, Loki. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that. It’s fine if you need time. I absolutely don’t mind investing that time.”

“But there’s nothing in it for you!”

“Yes, there is. It’s hard to explain, but I enjoy this. Seeing you work so hard. Seeing you make progress. I’m proud of you, and I’m happy to be part of this development. When we first met I guessed that you were trying to achieve something specific, remember?”

He nodded.

“And you were right of course. Battling my demons through kink.”

“I think we’re doing great. _You_ are doing great. We’ll get there. And if it doesn’t work we can always adjust. Change the goal. You don’t owe anyone anything, Loki.”

He looked at me for a long time, and I thought there might have been tears in his eyes. But then he blinked and I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined it.

“Can you put the blindfold back on please? Just for something short and easy, so we don’t finish on a failure?”

The word rubbed me the wrong way, but I knew it was how he perceived it.

“Okay. Something pleasurable, preferably?”

“Whatever you want. I don’t want to know.”

I put the blindfold back in place and him back into position, hands cuffed above his head, and then I ran my hand over his cock and balls through his briefs. He shuddered and moved into the touch.

“I’m not sure I deserve—”

“Did I give you permission to speak?”

“No, ma’am. Please forgive me.”

“We’ll see about that. Now keep that mouth shut or I’ll stuff it again.”

Pulling a chair close I sat down and started playing with his balls, rubbing and squeezing, and then I kissed the tip of his cock through his briefs, open mouthed, warm and wet. He whimpered, surprised and in disbelief.

“You’ll come for me, fuckboy, and you’ll do it in your underwear like a schoolboy unable to control himself,” I murmured, making sure that he could feel my breath on his cock. I ran a finger under the edge of his briefs all around his groin, my fingertip brushing his balls. Pulling the waistband down I licked his tip, rubbing up and down his length with my palm and knuckles, and then I pulled the waistband down far enough to free his cock and swallowed him as far as I could. He bucked into me, uncontrollable but not unexpected. I pulled back and slapped his balls.

“Easy, fuckboy. I said in your underwear. Not down my throat.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“Hold still.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He tried his very best not to move his hips while I wrapped my fingers around him, milking him, fast and brutal.

“So close,” he moaned and I let go and snapped his briefs back up, and a moment later he did come in his underwear.


	20. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rollercoaster continues.

I didn’t hear from Loki for a week, and when I texted him he didn’t react. My call went to voice mail, and I was getting worried. I realised I knew nothing about his vanilla life so I looked him up online. I called his office, but was told he wasn’t in. I briefly considered trying to find out his address but what then? Stalk his house? So I settled for waiting. He would have to see all those messages at some point, right?

He called me two days later, sounding exhausted.

“Hey. I got your messages. Sorry to keep you waiting, I’ve had a rough few days.”

“Are you okay?”

“Getting there. I had to lay low for a while. Mostly just talked to my therapist.”

“Okay _now_ I’m worried. What happened? I mean, if you want to...”

“I had an episode. I… something happened, a stupid little thing, but it triggered a flashback and sent me...”

He sighed. I could picture him running his hand through his hair.

“I accidentally scalded myself while making tea and that’s… it’s a trigger. I don’t think I ever told you...” He sighed again. “Anyway, not good. Major flashback, complete shut down, not functioning. Took me a day to get my shit together enough to call my therapist. It’s… oh man. I’m just so tired.”

There was a lump in my throat.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No.” Another deep sigh. “I’ll get there. It’ll take a while but I’ll live. I’m just not the best company right now.”

“So do I… I don’t know, just leave you alone?”

The line was so quiet I thought I’d lost him.

“Loki? Should I back off?”

“Could you check on me once in a while? Just check in, like a text every other day or so?”

His voice was so small, and once more I could picture him, embarrassed to ask for attention, and the lump  in my throat increased tenfold. I swallowed hard to get rid of it.

“Of course. Please be absolutely honest with me, okay? Tell me what you need, or if I’m doing the wrong thing, or too much, or too little, okay?”

I thought I heard him sob.

“Okay.”

Strangled. Fighting to keep his composure probably.

“Should I come by?”

“No!”

Silence. He drew a shaky breath.

“I can’t. You can’t see me like this, please. Just… be a lifeline? Please?”

And the lump was back. I nodded, realising belatedly that he couldn't see  it.

“Sure. Whatever you need. What are you doing?”

“Making dinner. If you can call it that. But I haven’t really eaten in… erm… two days? No wait, three. Anyway it’s beans on toast tonight.”

“Sounds yummy!”

He chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s a feast.”

“How’s this—I’ll leave the chef to his masterpiece and check on you later?”

He took a deep breath.

“Sounds good. Thank you.”

“Welcome. Enjoy your meal. Later, Loki.”

I texted him at least once a day for the next four days, and he slowly started to sound like himself again. He said he needed to get out of the house and asked me if I’d meet him for a little walk. When we met at the park he looked even paler than usual but over all better than I’d expected. The scald injury had long since healed thanks to his superpower, but he pulled up his sleeve to show me where it had been, indicating two thirds of his forearm.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head.

“Taken care of. I just wanted to say thank you. I’m not sure if you understand how much it meant to me that you… cared. Your support. Your patience. You made me smile every time we talked. That’s worth so much when I’m that low. I owe you big time.”

The damn lump was back. I really really didn’t want to cry so I just grinned and said:

“I’ll let you work it off,” trying to sound as casual as I could. It drew a tiny moan from him. Good. Back on familiar ground.

“About that.” He put his hands in his pockets. “Are you still… can we still play?”

“Of course! I mean, if you’re better. Stable. Are you?”

“I think I’m getting there. Actually I think a scene would _help_ me get better. Maybe avoid the blindfold for now… but something intense. Something I can lose myself in. Stop thinking. Just feel.”

So I told him about a scene I’d had in my head for a while.


	21. Forced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all just want to come, right? RIGHT?!

Tied down once more, this time to a narrow massage table instead of the comfy bed, Loki was looking up at me. I leaned in, purring into his ear, making sure he could feel my breath on his skin:

“Whatever happens. Whatever I do to you. You will not come before the time is up.”

I took my phone and set the timer but didn't let him see what it said. Putting the phone down I straightened and squared my shoulders.

“I will not give you permission so don't even beg.”

And then I used everything I could think of, every toy I knew he liked, hands, nails, tongue. He fought so hard to stay in control, glancing in the direction of my phone again and again, willing the timer to go off, but it stayed silent. My fingers wrapped around his cock I hissed in his face:

“Don't you dare come,” and he bit his lip so hard I expected to see blood. Of course he came. Sobbing his apologies over and over, he spilled his cum over my fingers. I slapped him. Wiped my fingers on his face and in his hair and turned off the timer. And then I punished him, telling him how disgusting he was. When I paused he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Let’s try this again.”

His eyes flew open and he stared at me.

“What? You failed. But I'm willing to give you a second chance.”

Of course he failed again when I sucked his cock, pulling back just in time, his cum spilling onto his stomach. I punished him again, sighed and reset the timer.

“Again.”

He made a broken little sound that went straight to my cunt. Grabbing his hair I stated:

“Once is a missed chance. Twice is a disappointment. Thrice would make you a complete and utter failure.”

Needless to say he failed the third time. I threw my hands up.

“What am I supposed to do with you? You're not even trying! I give up. I guess I’ll just skip this and move straight to the punishment.”

“Please,” he whimpered.

“Safeword?”

“No, I mean please let me try again.”

Huh.

I shrugged.

“Fine, if you think it'll get me a different outcome...”

I got a total of four forced orgasms out of him before I decided to let him off the hook. After that forth one he was spent. I could tell he was close to safewording, and more importantly, his frustration was about to tip over from hot to angry. So I set the timer one last time.

"How long does that timer run?" he sighed, eyes closed.

I grinned.

"You don't need to know that."

He nodded weakly and I set to work. Three minutes. That's what the timer was set to this time, and I was going easy on him, so when the timer beeped he was nowhere close to orgasm, but his relief was obvious. I immediately stopped and turned off the timer. Getting him out of the restraints I helped him get off the table and sat him down on the couch. He was trembling and his expression was hard to read.

"Talk to me," I said gently.

"That was... intense."

"Too much?"

"Close."

He leaned back, eyes closed, still slightly trembling, covered in four loads of cum.

“How about a bath?” I suggested, and he heaved a sigh.

“That would be amazing.”

“Solo? Or would you like company?”

He opened his eyes and smiled at me.

“Company is acceptable.”

“I’m not sure I can handle that level of enthusiasm.”

He chuckled, a warm, rich sound that vibrated in his chest, and took my hands.

“Would you do me the honour of joining me, my lady?”

“How can I say no to that,” I gave back, and we spent the next hour in a nice warm bath, dozing off once or twice and coming out of it wrinkled, but relaxed.

When we said goodbye Loki hesitated for a split second, but before I could ask the moment was over and I thought I had imagined it. I was very, very tired all of a sudden, wondering if Loki was fit to drive, but he assured me he was.

“Thank you for this. It was exactly what I needed.”

I took me a moment to remember he’d had a rough time, and I felt guilty for forgetting it, but then I recalled what he had said in the park—about not thinking, just feeling—and I realised he had been right. He looked tired, but so much more confident. Happier. Sometimes I forgot what an experienced player he was. He knew himself well and hardly ever misjudged his limits, and he knew what he wanted. I gave him a hug.

“Thank _you._ ” I couldn’t help but add: “Come again.”

He burst out laughing.

“Not in the near future, thank you very much. I think some parts of my anatomy will be sore for a while.”

I was still grinning when the door clicked shut behind him. Cheap pun? Hell yeah. Would that prevent me from making it? Hell no!


	22. Triggered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is a heavy one. Updated the tags and warnings but will say it here as well: Loki talks about his trauma, and not just because he feels like it all of a sudden. I mean the chapter title is there for a reason.

“Hold out your arms in front of your body.”

He did, palms up, presenting the sensitive insides of his arms. I held up a knife.

“I'll cut each arms five times and you will hold still until I tell you otherwise, understood?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

He flinched and hissed every time, but made an effort to go back into position as quickly as possible. I made him hold it for a while after I was done and then ordered:

“Spread your arms. Five on your chest.”

There was a flicker of fear in his eyes. I gently touched the side of the blade against his collarbone.

“Do you trust me?”

His eyes found mine and he relaxed.

“Yes. I do.”

“So. Five cuts on your chest. Ready?”

He lifted his chin.

“Yes, ma'am.”

The third cut drew a whimper from him. I waited until he made eye contact and nodded, and then I finished it.

He stood, panting in pain, blood dripping from his spread arms and trickling down his chest and stomach. I gave him a second, and then I told him to bend over.

“You were such a slut for that dildo last time I put it up your ass. So I'll mark that ass. Ten cuts in total.”

And I cut ‘SL-UT’ on his cheeks. He tensed up but managed to hold still almost perfectly. When I was done I put away the knife and smeared the blood over his ass and between his cheeks, and then I used it as lube to fuck him with said dildo. He leaned into it with abandon, moaning, thrusting back, coming undone. I pulled it out and stepped back. 

“Look at you… completely unravelling, leaking, blood trickling from your hole... you know what that looks like? Freshly raped. Oh and look how much you enjoyed that, cock whore.”

“Red,” he said, and when he straightened and turned there was thunder in his eyes. I froze, dropping the dildo.

“What— “

“Did it ever happen to you?”

I felt like the bottom dropped out of my stomach.

“Rape?”

He nodded once. I forced myself to shake my head.

“No,” I said, barely able to make my voice work.

“Well—it's not fun.”

I tried to swallow, fighting to get my emotions under control.

“Loki, I'm sorry! I never thought—”

He closed his eyes and took a breath.

“It's not your fault. I should have told you.”

“I should have checked for fuck's sake!”

Looking up at him I repeated:

“I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

And then, all of a sudden, he looked like he was about to fall, so I stepped close and sat him down.

“What do you want me to do?”

He looked utterly spent.

“I have no idea,” he said, his voice toneless. “Never mention it again?”

“If that's what you want, I won't.”

And then he started shaking and I instinctively wrapped my arms around him, but he pulled out of the embrace. There was sweat on his forehead and the shaking became more prominent.

“I'll get out of your hair,” he said and stood, not entirely stable on his feet.

“No way am I letting you leave like this!”

“Well how are you going to stop me?”

“Loki, please, I get that you what to be alone. I'll give you all the space you want but please don't leave the house like this. Please.”

It took him forever but finally he nodded. I let out a breath I hadn't been aware of holding and said:

“I'll be in the kitchen. Feel free to move around, take a shower, lay down—whatever you need, okay? Shout if you need me.”

He just nodded again, and I left the room. I was entirely unhappy about leaving him alone but he'd agreed to stay, and that was the best I could get right now.

I sat down in the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, and then I took my phone and texted Mia, my safety contact. I always told her when and where I had a scene scheduled, and she would contact me if it took to long until she heard from me afterwards. And she was my go to person whenever a scene went wrong. A very experienced Domme herself, she was incredibly kind and generous and always ready to support a fellow kinkster. She vaguely knew about Loki's backstory, so I just typed:

'It's happened. I triggered him.'

Two minutes later she wrote:

'Are you okay? Safe? Wanna call me?'

'I'm good. Can't talk, he's still here.'

'What's he doing? Is he in the room?'

'No, gave him some privacy. Should I check on him?'

'Could he harm himself? Or you?'

Fuck. The knife. I dropped my phone and rushed back to the playroom, but then I heard the shower running. Probably a good sign? Knowing he wouldn't be able to hear me I called Mia. She picked up immediately.

“Honey? What's going on?”

“Just went to the playroom and secured the knife. He's taking a shower.”

“Want me to come over? Send someone? Your wingman maybe?”

Oh god no. Josh was the last person Loki would want to see.

“No, I'm good. I'll talk to him when he's out of the bathroom. He's a good guy. Well handle this.”

“Are you absolutely sure? If he's having flashbacks who knows what he's going to do!”

“It'll be alright. Don't worry. Call me if you don't hear from me in an hour or so?”

“Sure. Please be careful, honey.”

I assured her that I would and put down the phone.

The shower had stopped a while ago, and finally Loki showed up in the kitchen in sweat pants and a hoodie, hugging himself, shoulders tense.

“Hey,” I said with a small smile.

“Hey.”

He said down and ran his fingers through his hair, which was falling to his shoulders instead of being pulled back the way he normally wore it.

“I'm sorry for the drama,” he said. “Completely my fault for not telling you. You couldn't have known.”

“Still. It shouldn't have happened. How do you feel?”

He sighed.

“Better. Thankfully it wasn't a full blown flashback, just some very unpleasant memories. I'll be alright.”

"Anything I can do? Tea? Food?"

He shook his head.

“I guess I'll just go home.”

I didn't like it, but he had been right earlier. I couldn't keep him against his will.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I'll watch something, take my mind off it. I'll call you later, okay?”

“Okay,” I said a little hesitantly, still not happy, but relieved that he was planning on talking to me.

He straightened.

“Listen, some day soon I'll have to tell you. About what happened to me I mean. Or—not have to. _Want_ to. Just not right now, okay? Do you—I mean can I tell you? Are you willing to deal with it?”

My heart broke once again, like it always did when he was that insecure.

“Of course,” I said softly. “I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to talk, okay?”

His breath hitched and he nodded. Giving me a brave smile he stood and turned to the door.

“I'll call you.”

“Yes please. I need to know that you're okay.”

He nodded once more, and then he was gone. He'd never left without a hug before, and even though I fully understood why he didn't want that now, it still hurt.

He did call me a few hours later, still sounding tired or maybe rather exhausted, far from his usual verve, but he said he was okay, and that I shouldn’t feel bad about what happened. But I did.

“It was my fault, Loki. You did ask me what I needed to know, early on as well as recently, and I was so obsessed with honouring your privacy that I really thought I didn't need to know. Or maybe I was just afraid I wouldn't be able to handle it.” I took a deep breath. “Do you want to come over? Talk?”

He hesitated for a moment, and then he said:

“I might have had a beer. I’m not drunk or anything, I just feel I shouldn’t be driving.”

“Oh, okay.” I knew what I had to say, what I wanted to say, but it still took me a lot of courage:

“Do you want _me_ to come over?”

When he said ‘yes’ I was surprised, but also relieved. And a little excited. I knew that getting on his turf would change our dynamics, but I owed him. And I was curious. 

He asked me in and we sat down on his couch. How do you start a conversation like that? Eventually he went for the direct approach, and I was grateful for it.

“Can I tell you what my torturers did to me?” he asked, eyes on his hands, refusing to look up.

“Yes,” I said simply, steeling myself as best I could.

He nodded once and took a breath.

“They used fire, more than anything. Which is why I hate it I guess. Burned me, held glowing metal to my skin, scalded me with boiling water… but mostly just heat. My cell was heated up all the time, and I was hardly allowed any water. Actually they did give me water when they came to get me… anyway, I was constantly dizzy and light headed from dehydration. My body wasn’t producing sweat any more so it never cooled down—except when they came for me and took me out of there. They cut me, burned me, beat me, and all the while all I could think of was that I needed water. They teased me with it, drank in front of me, spat it out, spat it at _me_ , spilled it. I begged for permission to lap it off the floor, which was hardly ever given, and only at a horrible price. I passed out from sheer pain and exhaustion more than once, and when I came to, back in my cell, there was always a very specific pain. They’d fucked me while I had been out, so the next time I would try to stay conscious for as long as I could.” He laughed bitterly. “Not that it helped me in any way. After a while they simply took to fucking me while I was conscious.”

My stomach felt like it was in a tight knot, scared of what might be next. And then he went on, his voice absolutely flat and his eyes closed:

"And finally I started _begg_ _ing_ for pain. Begging to be fucked. Because if I did it convincingly sometimes they would give me an extra sip of water. So technically it wasn't rape any longer, it was prostitution. I sold my hole for a sip of water. That I might or might not be given."

I realised my hands were shaking. My throat was dry and my tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth, and I was unable to say anything. What could I possible have said…

“I had a humiliation kink before,” he went on, matter of fact. “I think it has gotten harder, like any other kink I might have had. As if I’m looking to reach that level again. Fight fire with fire so to say.” He huffed out a breath. “Poor choice of words I guess.”

Taking a deep breath he finally did look at me.

”Anyway. I did go to therapy, but I never really talked about the specifics with anyone. Maybe I should take it up again. Find someone I can be really open with.”

I thought I knew what he meant.

“Kink friendly therapist?”

“Yeah. I always felt like my therapist didn’t really have a chance because she never got the whole picture.”

“I could help you find someone. If you like.”

He started to smile.

“I’d like that, yeah.”

I pulled out my phone, happy to be able to do something, help him in some small way. I texted Mia, asking for the list of medical personnel I remembered her showing me a while ago.

“Can we talk about what happened?” I asked carefully. “Because I’m not entirely sure...”

“It wasn’t the word ‘rape’ I think. It was the way you used it, your implication that I had enjoyed it. That’s something they would say to me, no matter if I was physically responding or not, they’d always accuse me of wanting it, or—I mean I did ask for it sometimes so technically they weren’t even wrong. It messed with my head so badly. They would throw me back into my cell and I would lie there, beating myself up over how weak I was, how cheap. Every single time I promised myself that next time I’d resist, put up a fight… but I never did. I just didn’t have it in me. I was weak. Broken.”

I couldn’t remember starting to cry, but there were tears running down my face when he paused. He reached out and wiped them away.

“Don’t. Please don’t cry over me, it’s not worth getting upset.”

I took his hand and kissed his knuckles.

“Yes it is. It breaks my heart knowing what you went through, and I’m so, so sorry I was the reason it resurfaced.”

“It does every now and then. Even if I lived like a monk that wouldn’t protect me from it, believe me, I tried.”

That made me chuckle despite the heaviness of the situation.

“Sorry,” I said immediately, but he was grinning.

“What?”

“It’s just—you’re such a sexual person, I honestly can’t imagine you being celibate.”

“Like I said. Didn’t work.”

I was so glad about the little moment of relief, and it looked like he was feeling the same way. He exhaled on a sigh and said:

“I’m glad I could get that off my chest. Thank you.”

Before I could respond my phone swooshed. Mia had sent me the list, and I showed it to Loki.

“Can you forward it to me, please?”

“Sure.”

I did, and he studied it on his phone.

“Anyone you can recommend?”

“Unfortunately not. Maybe just meet a few of them, see what works?”

“Yeah,” he said, putting his phone in his back pocket, “thank you again.”

“Welcome. I’m glad I can do something.”

“So, after all this drama…” He ran a hand through his hair and looked at me, his smile a little lopsided. “...are you still willing to consider CNC?”

I  sucked in air between my teeth.

“Loki, I’m not sure...”

“If I went to therapy first? Sort this mess out?”

I  nodded slowly.

“Yeah, that sounds reasonable. Also maybe only non sexual stuff first? Physical pain, impact play, nothing even resembling non con penetration.”

He smiled at me.

“You can say it, you know?”

“The r-word? I’d rather not. Once was enough. Actually it was one time too many.”


	23. Unwinnable Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a scene from the movie "Mapplethorpe" starring Matt Smith

“You remember the conversation we had, during our very first negotiation, about kissing?”

“Yeah. Basically ‘do what you want to me but don’t ask me to kiss you on the mouth or face.’”

“Because you said that would undermine your sub mindset.”

“Exactly.”

“What if I found a way around that problem?”

He raised his eyebrows.

“I’m listening?”

“What if I ordered you, but made it difficult or impossible?”

He started to smile.

“And then punish me for not following orders. You’re good.”

“I know. Thank you.”

And that’s how we ended up in this situation: Loki with his hands cuffed behind his back, tied to the familiar pole, and me standing close enough to kiss him. I did, full on, pressing my body against his, moaning into his mouth. Abruptly breaking the kiss I took a step back, slapped him across the face and immediately kissed him again. He’d barely managed his ‘thank you’ after the slap, and when I repeated the sequence—kiss, slap, kiss—he didn’t. So I slapped him harder for not following his rules, and stepped up the game. Kiss, a _handful_ of rapid slaps, kiss, more slaps. He was breathing hard when I granted him a moment, and then I ordered:

“Now kiss me.”

Before he could obey I stepped back. He strained against his restraints but couldn’t reach me.

“I told you,” I hissed, “to kiss me!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he whispered, and I moved closer, but retreated again before he managed it. He tried again and again, I pulled back again and again, my punishing slaps getting harder, my words and voice getting harsher until he looked perfectly desperate.

“I’m starting to think you are defying me on purpose.”

“No, ma’am, I swear. I’d never...”

“So it’s my fault? That what you’re saying?”

“No! No it’s on me. Please let me try again?”

“Do you want me closer? Is that it?”

“Yes! Oh god yes please, ma’am.”

I did come closer again, body flush against his—but I pulled a silk scarf from my pocket and tied it over his mouth. It kept his lips open but his tongue trapped like a gag, and then I started teasing him with my tongue and lips.

“Kiss me,” I whispered against his mouth, so close now but still impossible for him to obey, so I slapped him for being disobedient. His eyes were gorgeous, begging, longing for something he’d originally told me was a ‘no’. I dealt him a series of both backhanded and forehand slaps.

“You’re supposed to thank me!”

He tried to say ‘sorry’ or ‘thank you’ or both, but of course it was pointless. I stepped back and looked at him, head hanging, chest heaving.

“I’ll give you one last chance,” I said and pulled down the scarf. “Kiss me.”

I could see the battle rage inside him. He didn’t want it. But he did. I decided to put him out of his misery.

“I’ll safe you,” I whispered and kissed him, gentle and sensual, and after a moment he responded, still torn, still unsure. I broke the kiss and rested my forehead against his.

“Game over. I’m sorry. This was unfair. I didn’t really think it through.”

“Release me, please?”

I did, and he heaved a sigh.

“Look...”

“I know. I had no right. I got carried away, but that’s no excuse. I apologise.”

He nodded and took another deep breath.

“It’s okay. I’m good.”

Somehow I didn’t believe him.


	24. Denied

Plugged Loki on his knees, gagging on my cock—sort of, I was wearing a strap on—slapped hard whenever he messed up, spit at and made to thank me for it. After a while I pulled out the plug and fucked him on his hands and knees, and then I ordered him to turn so I could fuck him on his back. I was buried balls deep—well, kind of—in him, and he was coming undone beneath me, begging for more, harder, deeper. His hands were tied above his head and I was very pointedly not touching his cock, no matter how much he was begging, so when I decided that he'd had enough he disagreed. I left him panting and pleading and twisting, trying to roll over to create some friction, which of course I prevented—his frustration was too much fun to watch.

“Freeze,” I ordered when I’d seen enough.

He did, but he was staring daggers at me.

“I'll untie your hands now, and you will get dressed and go home and not touch yourself. Call me when you've lost the erection.”

Forty minutes later he did, complete with picture proof.

“Good. Now get hard again.”

He growled at me but obviously obeyed, because a few minutes later I got another pic. I texted:

‘Keep it up for half an hour, send pics every three minutes.’

He did, making sure to be perfectly on time. A few times he texted me in between, begging me to let him come, but I always responded with a brief ‘no’. When the time was over I called him. He immediately picked up:

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Good boy. So eager to obey me. And you’re so pretty when you’re all hard and desperate for release…”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Now come for me and let me watch. Oh and if your cum shot is out of frame, we'll start this all over again...”


	25. Showcased

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little public humilation, a little discipline... and the longest chapter so far!

One night we were talking, exchanging ideas, updating no’s and maybe’s, when I propped myself up on one elbow and fired a bunch of questions at him:

“How would you feel about having an audience? One person who watches? More than one? Here or somewhere else? And would you be willing to let them join in? How many? Male or female?”

He laughed out loud.

“Whoa, quite the list! Where is this coming from?”

“Your one liner about you and Mik collared and leashed made me think. Yes he doesn't consider himself kinky but he's curious and open minded. Think he'd like it if... say I ordered you to go down on him?”

“Maybe?”

“Would _you_?”

He didn't answer me, so I said:

“I still think you're the top in that pairing, so maybe not a good constellation. Sorry. Never mind.”

“No, wait, let me think about it. Would it be a turn on to submit to someone I usually top—because I'm told to do it? Kind of subbing to a sub? Hell yeah.”

I moved in.

“The lowest of the low, made to please a slave...” I purred right into his ear, and I knew I had him at 'low'. It played into his humiliation kink to be degraded like that, forced that low, and his reaction didn't disappoint. His head fell back and he let out a moan, eyes closed. He took a deep breath.

“I'll talk to him, see if he's interested. But _I_ am definitely game.”

After a while he looked at me.

“What's your fantasy there?”

I smiled at him.

“Watching you take pain from someone else's hands. Watch them kiss you. Watch the two of you make out. Have sex. However far you'd be willing to go. Maybe you domming them.”

“That's a ‘no’ I think. Me domming while you watch I mean. As for everything else... full on penetrative sex would be difficult, but the rest... I might like.”

“What about a play party?”

“Show me off?”

“Would you like that?”

“Yes. Would _you_?”

“God yes. Have you _seen_ you?!”

He chuckled.

“Praise. That's rare.”

“Well you're a slut for humiliation, so...”

“I don't mind a little praise now and then.”

“Really? Should I do that more often?”

“Like I said. I like it every now and then.”

My heart broke a little. He was playing it down not to sound needy, but it seemed obvious to me now that he craved it.

“Noted,” I murmured and kissed his temple. “So. Showing you off at a party?”

He turned towards me.

“Yes please! What gear would you put on me?”

“Let me see. Obviously a collar and leash. Nipple clamps maybe. Not necessarily a chastity cage, but I might bind your cock and balls. Oh and cuffs. Definitely cuffs. Shackles maybe?”

“Would I be allowed clothing, ma’am?”

I burst out laughing.

“Obviously not.”

I wound his hair around my fist and pulled his head back.

“Useless disgusting pathetic little fucktoys don't get to wear clothing. When I present you to the audience, do you really think they want to bother with clothing before they can get their hands on you?”

He let out a shaky breath.

“So you'd give me to others?”

I released his hair.

“If anyone was interested, yes. I'd have to showcase you first, demonstrate what you're good for, but if anyone came up to me asking if they could borrow or rent you—sure!”

“Would I have to go with them?”

“Of course. I'd hand you over in a heartbeat, take their ten cents and wish them a good time. Because that's what you're worth. Max.”

“Okay, wait, 'yellow'. Would you really play it like that?”

“No. I'd never force you to be alone with someone I don't trust. Or someone you didn't agree to beforehand.”

“But maybe we could pre arrange it. So that we could have that fantasy and I'd still be safe,” he mused.

I smiled.

“Hot?”

“Damn hot.”

“Okay, then let's script it, find the right people and the right event, and we're good to go!”

I walked into the party shortly before midnight when it was in full swing, tugging a naked geared up Loki behind me on a leash. Heads turned. A lot of heads. I grabbed the leash close to the collar and pulled his face down to mine.

“See the way they're looking at you? That's because every single person in this room thinks you're hot. And you are. You hear me?”

“Yes, ma'am,” he said with a small smile.

“Good. Now get on your hands and knees.”

Not even two minutes later a tall red head came over and let her gaze travel over my sub.

“He's gorgeous,” she said, eyes blazing. “Would you care to showcase him on stage?”

I smiled at her.

“Sure, why not? I'm kinda proud of him.”

“As you should be! Would you mind making him sit up?”

“Sure,” I said again and pulled Loki's leash upwards. He obeyed flawlessly, keeping his cuffed wrists close to his chest, kneeling with his thighs apart, eyes on the floor.

“God I'd love to get my hands on him,” the red head said, but she made no attempt to touch him. Well behaved crowd!

“Maybe watching _me_ get my hands on him is worth your time, too,” I said with a smile and she returned it.

“I can't wait! Stage opens in twenty. You're number three.”

“Okay. Usual rules?”

“Yes. Have fun!”

“Thank you.”

Loki pressed himself into my leg like a scared dog would do. I squatted down.

“Want out?”

He shook his head. I traced his jawline with my fingertips and brushed my thumb over his lips. They parted for me and I kissed him, reaching down to cup his balls.

“I'm scared,” he whispered, “and it's delicious.”

It made me smile. Beautiful complicated brave Loki.

I led him on stage on all fours, and immediately there were cheers and applause and quite a few wolf whistles. He knelt up perfectly, presenting his cuffed wrists to me. I unlinked the cuffs, pulled them behind his back and linked them again, close enough to force his shoulders back. I knew what it did for his posture, and the audience liked it. Tugging at the nipple clamp chain made him straighten even more. I looked at the audience and put a finger to my lips, and then I pulled, ripping a startled whimper of pain from my sub. They cheered at it, and again at the way his bound cock twitched in reaction to the pain.

“Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this one is a real pain slut,” I told them, owner's pride in my voice. “You should see the things he can take.”

Pulling his head back by his hair I hissed:

“Aren't you, fuckboy?”

“Yes, ma'am, I am.”

I spit in his face and turned to the audience again.

“Oh and even more than pain, humiliation will get him going. Right, fucktoy?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“I can't fucking hear you, pathetic little piece of shit. Could you guys hear anything?”

Of course the audience did me the favour.

“Louder, fucktoy. Tell them what you like.”

He was so pale that I took a moment to check if he wanted to stop, but he just gave me the smallest shake of his head and said, loud enough for at least the people closest to the stage to hear:

“This fucktoy likes being degraded. Treated like a worthless object. Used and thrown away. It's not human. Its body, cock and holes belong to you. You do with it as you please. That's its purpose.”

The crowd erupted. Loki's cheeks were burning now and I could feel him tremble, and when I pulled on the leash to force him to his feet I realised he was leaking. Before we left the stage I pointed at his cock.

“Quod erat demonstrandum.”

And exit.

What a turn on. I made a bee line to one of the designated play rooms, dragging Loki along. The door wasn't even fully closed behind us when I pushed him against the wall and kissed him, pressing my body to his.

“I need you to go down on me. Right now,” I panted, and a moment later he was on his knees. I pulled my pants down and he went for it, licking and sucking and moaning against my cunt, my hands in his hair directing him, pushing him where I wanted to feel his mouth, needed to feel it.

“Fuck yes. That's it little slut, that's what you're good for. That's what you will be doing all night, pleasing every single Dom in here until there's nothing left in you to give, and when you come crawling back to me, covered in their juices, I'll brutally punish you for being the whore that you are.”

He sounded as if he was closer to coming than I was. I was so focused on listening to him that my orgasm took me completely by surprise and a never ending, sobbing moan of pleasure escaped me before I could bite it back. When I returned to this plane of existence Loki was still kneeling, looking up at me with adoration and pride.

“Good?” he asked, and it wasn't cocky or sassy, it was almost shy.

“Oh for fuck's sake did you hear that sound you just drew from me?”

His little smile grew wider.

“I'm happy I was allowed to serve you, my lady.”

I hummed softly and pulled my pants up.

“’My lady.’ I like that. You may call me that on special occasions.”

Gently caressing his face I added:

“Such as this. This was good, precious. Very good. I'm satisfied with you.”

He was beaming now.

“What would you like as a treat?”

“I get to choose?”

“You're allowed to make a wish.”

“Well... maybe... are we still following the script?”

“Yes. Just a little detour.”

“Okay so maybe, when I'm alone with the person I have to please... maybe in the middle of it all you might come check on me?”

“Oh Loki. That's not a treat. That's the most basic of care. Are you worried?”

“No! I just meant... maybe you'll feel like... I don't know... watching? Make it part of the script?”

“Like... oh I know.”

I kissed him.

“Wish granted.”

Half an hour later I was chatting with a group of friends, Loki obediently kneeling at my side, when a man I used to play with approached us. I hadn't seen Andy in a while and hugged him enthusiastically. Saying goodbye to my friends I sat down with him on one of the sofas in the back, catching up, pointedly ignoring Loki at my feet. Until all of a sudden I felt something touch my leg. When I looked down Loki was pressing his lips to the tip of my boot. I pulled on the leash and he looked at me, pleading.

“What?”

“May I have a sip of water please?”

Andy stood at once.

“Let me.”

“Oh that's very kind, thank you.”

And I handed him the leash. It was obvious that Loki had had something else in mind. We all knew that. But now he had no chance but to let this stranger lead him across the room to the 'dog station' if he wanted water.

When they came back Loki's cheeks were bright red again.

“Did he behave?”

“Yup. You trained him well.”

Andy gave me the leash back and looked at me.

“Anything else I can do for you?”

“Massage would be nice.”

Andy smiled and stood behind the sofa, gently kneading my shoulders. From the corner of my eyes I saw Loki stare at us and decided to put on a little show for him. So I closed my eyes and moaned softly. Whether or not Andy understood what I was doing, he played along, leaning in.

“You do remember what that sound does to me, right?”

I grinned and tilted my head back, pulling him into a kiss. A desperate little sound came from where Loki was kneeling. I broke the kiss and looked down at him. He was looking at me with such longing in his eyes that I felt sorry for him. Pulling him towards me by the leash I kissed him, too, prolonging the kiss, keeping him in place until I had enough.

“Down,” I ordered, and he sank to his knees, whispering his thanks. I grinned at Andy.

“It was great catching up!”

And just as we were saying our goodbyes Mia showed up.

“Hey! Someone is living the good life!” she said, looking between me, Andy and the kneeling Loki. Hugging me she added:

“I saw you on stage. Good lord that boy is hot. Andy.”

Andy nodded to her, kissed my cheek and left. Mia sat down on the sofa with me, her eyes on my sub. I offered her the leash and she took it with a smile. Pulling him close she let her gaze travel over his body.

“Look at me, sweetie.”

Hesitantly he raised his eyes, but he was looking at me, not her.

“Hey!" She jerked on the leash. "Eyes on me!”

He flinched and obeyed her, tense and insecure. Mia looked him straight in the eye until he lowered his gaze. She allowed him to kneel down and turned to me.

“Really, you used to train your subs better than this. What's up?”

“I might have been a little lax. Would you go for a round or two with him? I think he needs a firmer hand. If you're free.”

“For you? Always! Do you want to be present?”

“Nah. You know what you're doing. He bruises easily but that's okay. I like it on him.”

“Check. Anything specific you want him to learn?”

“No, I trust your judgement. Just break him.”

I grabbed Loki's collar.

“If I hear any complaints about your behaviour I won't stop until you're unconscious. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, ma'am,” he whispered, fear evident in his eyes. “May I... will you take me back after...?”

“Depends on what Mia tells me. If she feels like you need more than one night of training I might leave you with her. She's a busy woman so I guess she'd outsource your training if it takes too long?”

I looked at Mia, who nodded.

“I know a few guys who would love to help me out with a cutie like that.”

I let go of the collar and Loki tried to get close to me, rubbing his face against my leg, but Mia mercilessly pulled on the leash and dragged him away.

I went to get myself a drink and talk to a few more people, giving Mia time to work Loki. After half an hour I got restless, but I forced myself to wait another twenty minutes. And then I went to check on my sub.

When I entered the playroom I found Loki on his knees, perfect posture, hands clasped behind his head. He was sporting bloody welts on his back, shoulders, ass, stomach, chest and thighs. Mia stood over him, whip in hand. I knew what she could do with a whip. Precise and vicious and painful as hell. She looked up and nodded at me, and then she returned her attention to Loki.

“Again,” she ordered.

“I don't speak unless spoken to. I keep my eyes on the floor unless told otherwise. I obey anyone my Domme gives me to the same way I obey her.”

The whip came down on his upper back. He groaned and flinched, but immediately corrected his posture. His chest heaving he softly said:

“Thank you mistress.”

“Again.”

“I don't speak unless spoken to...”

Mia looked at me again. I raised my eyebrows and she smiled at me. Stepping close to me she whispered:

“He's doing great. So obedient. So willing to please. And his pain tolerance is amazing.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes. He hasn't wanted to use his safewords. I've asked a few times.”

“Can I have a minute alone with him?”

“Of course.”

And a little louder:

“He's all yours.”

The door closed behind her. Loki didn't move a muscle. I stepped closer and lifted his chin but he didn't look at me.

“One hour with Mia and your manners are immaculate.”

“Thank you, my lady.”

“Look at me.”

His eyes flew to mine, and I leaned in to kiss him.

“How much more can you take?”

“From whom, ma'am?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“From Mia.”

He swallowed.

“Five? Ten maybe, depending on where she strikes.”

“What if I wanted you to take fifteen?”

He closed his eyes.

“Yes, ma'am. As you wish.”

“Can you hold your posture until the very end?”

“No, ma'am. Not for more than five or six strokes. I already swayed the last three times right before you came in.”

“Not while I was looking.”

A miniscule smile played on his lips and was gone.

“No, ma'am. Not when you are looking.”

I straightened.

“Which means you're not doing your best when I'm not here.”

“Please!”

He'd looked up at me but immediately averted his eyes again.

“Please,” he repeated, voice breaking.

“I can't remember asking you a question. You obviously need more training.”

He closed his eyes and swallowed.

“Yes, ma'am,” he whispered, and he sounded so resigned I almost back pedalled.

“I'll watch.”

“Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.”

There was real gratitude and relief in his voice. Like it actually felt easier for him when I was there. That moved me, and I stepped out to talk to Mia.

“I told him he needs more training, and that I'll watch. How much more do you think he can take?”

“Five maybe? Eight if he's allowed to give up his posture.”

We made a plan and went back inside.

“Look at me,” I ordered. When he did I went on: “You'll keep your eyes on me the whole time.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“I will decide how much more you can take.”

“Yes, ma'am. Thank you.”

Three strokes he took in stride. The forth made him fall forward.

“Stay down.”

He turned his head to look at me and took three more before his arms gave out and he fell to the floor. I waited to see if he'd safeword, but he didn't. He was still looking at me though.

“Repeat your lessons,” Mia ordered, whip raised.

“I don't speak unless spoken to,” he forced out between sobs of pain. “I keep my eyes on the floor unless told otherwise. I obey anyone my Domme gives me to the same way I obey her.”

I sat down and caressed his hair.

“One more,” I told Mia. “He can take one more. Right, gorgeous?”

“Yes, ma'am,” he whispered, and when the whip came down he buried his face against my leg, shoulders shaking. I ran my fingers over his torn back and gently talked to him until he stopped trembling. Mia squatted down on his other side.

“Look at me,” she ordered, and he turned his head to obey.

“You're amazing, Loki. This was truly special.”

He gave her a small smile, his eyes flicking to the whip.

“Closure?” Mia asked, lifting it, and he nodded.

“Yes, please, mistress.”

She held the handle in front of his face and he closed his eyes and kissed it with abandon.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and she gently stroked his face.

“Thank _you_. Wanna get up?”

“Can I rest for a little while?”

“Sure. Let me get you a little more comfortable.”

We took off all the gear, two pairs of gentle hands on his battered body, and Mia went to get a pillow and blanket.

“Do you guys want me to leave you alone?”

Loki looked at me with a smile, and then at her.

“No. Please stay?”

So we all cuddled together until Loki felt like getting up.

He got dressed and we sat down in the lounge area to decompress and debrief. Mia looked at him.

“I'm curious. How far were you from safewording?”

Loki held up his thumb and index finger, almost no space between them.

“I don't think I could have taken one more.”

Mia looked at me and nodded once.

“You nailed it.”

Loki looked at me, too.

“She did. She knows me well and I trust her with my life.”

I blushed. Damn it I actually blushed.

Mia nodded again.

“She's a good one. You're in really good hands.”

“I know,” he said. There was warmth and gratitude in his eyes, and my heart expanded.


	26. Kicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be intense, and it is going to look like non con. Just let me remind you what a pervert Loki really is. And I mean that in the most loving way. He's enjoying every second!

We were back at the dungeon where the party had been, but tonight is was a lot quieter. And it was just Loki and me this time. I had him chained to a pole like a dog on all fours, collared and leashed. I’d warmed him up with some light flogging, but I could tell the pain slut in him was getting restless for more, eager to get to the main event.

“Foreplay is overrated?”

He chuckled, a sound I very rarely heard from him when we were in scene.

“You know me so well.”

It threw me off my game. This wasn’t the mindset I needed. I straightened.

“You’re being a little too cheeky for my liking. Way too cheeky to be exact.”

The ends of the flogger hit his balls and he hissed, surprised rather than in pain.

“I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Still not as submissive as I was used to, a trace of his smug real life smile still in his voice. I kicked him. A vicious kick to his ass with the heel of my boot. He let out a groan that was a lot of surprise and even more pain. And I kept them coming. Kicks to his ass and thighs, and his groans started to turn into half muffled screams. Yup, coming to the dungeon for this had been the right call. Here all the playrooms had thick, soundproof walls. Better not do this at my house.

“Open!” I ordered and kicked the insides of his thighs. “Wider.”

I could tell he was trying to obey but his legs were shaking. I kept kicking him until I had him where I wanted him. By now he was crying, a low sobbing that turned into a howl every time my boot hit his flesh.

“Please… please… please,” he kept whimpering, never forming a sentence, not safewording, just a constant stream of desperate pleas. I paused and rubbed his balls with the tip of my boot. He froze.

“Please don't! Please!”

“Are you calling your safeword?”

He shook his head and his whole body tensed, awaiting the kick. And then I did it.

He screamed in pain and collapsed, curling up on his side, tears streaming down his face.

“Red,” he whimpered, “please—”

I immediately kicked him again, the sole of my boot hitting the side of his thigh, and again when he tried to crawl away from me. Gripping his hair I pulled his head back.

“Please,” he panted, his eyes begging me to stop. The rush of power when I started grinning and saw his eyes widen was like nothing I had ever felt before.

“Do you want it to be over?” I purred.

“Yes! Yes please don't hurt me any more!”

I kissed him, long and sloppy, and it was delicious. Then I unclipped the leash from his collar and dragged him by his hair to a corner of the room, pushed his head down and held it down with my knee. I fixed his wrists to two bolts in the floor and kicked him back into position. Standing behind him I kicked his thighs again, four rapid kicks, switching feet every time. He was still on all fours, but barely. I thought he wasn't going to be able to take much more.

“So do you want another kiss or another kick?”

“Kiss, please,” he said, his voice shaking. Sitting down at his head I said:

“I'm hurt. I suspect you don't really want that, you're just picking the lesser of two evils.”

“No! Please would you kiss me again? Please?”

I was almost convinced. Almost. So I kicked his ass, three times on the same cheek. He tried to get away from the pain, shaking and sobbing.

“Please no more, please ma'am. I can't take any more. Please let it be over, please...”

I caressed his ass and thighs, even brushed his balls. That made him tense up.

“I'll ask again. Kiss or kick?”

“Kick”, he said, almost inaudible.

I laughed out loud.

“Are you trying to reverse psychology me? Or maybe you're just a really sick little fuck. Either way I don't really care what you want. This is over when I say it's over. Understood?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“So let's go over what happened, shall we?”

He didn't react. I slapped him hard.

“Recall. What. Happened.”

The penny dropped.

“You kicked me until I couldn't take any more pain, so I safeworded and begged you to stop, but you overruled it and kept going. And now I have no way of stopping you. I'm at your mercy, and this could go on endlessly. Until you're tired of it.”

“When do you think that will be?”

“Maybe when I pass out, ma'am?”

“Who says I'll stop after that?”

His breath hitched.

“Please. I know I told you to push me—“

“You what?” I hissed, pulling his head back.

“I asked! I asked you to push me, even beyond my limits...”

“You really think I'm doing this for you?!”

I pressed his face to my cunt.

“Smell this? I'm soaking wet because of what I'm doing to you. You've never really been useful until now. Now spread those thighs.”

When he didn't obey fast enough I kicked them apart. Running my hands over them I dug my fingers into his already bruising flesh, and then I gripped his balls and pulled. He tried to ease the tension by arching his back, and when I let go he was panting.

“Now kiss me,” I ordered.

He looked at me, quizzical and insecure.

“Make me believe it,” I purred, and when he obeyed I almost lost it. His kiss felt like he was pouring his heart and soul into it, and when I broke it, he was crying silently. I gently wiped away the tears.

“Game over, gorgeous. I've had enough.”

He sank to the floor, awkward and uncomfortable with his hands still fixed, but unable to hold his weight any longer. I'd expected my soft voice and gentle hands to register with him, to indicate the end of the scene, but they didn't. He forced himself back up onto his hands and knees, head hanging, and pressed his face to my boots, kissing them, licking them. I only realised how far under he was when he started speaking. His voice completely toneless he said:

“Now that you've broken me there is nothing you can't do to me. I have no limits any more, no boundaries. No protection from your will. Should you decide to take my life I won't put up any resistance.”

The blood drained from my face, I could feel it. Fuck fuck fuck. I'd known this would be dangerous. Why on earth had I agreed to this?!

“Look at me,” I said as gently as I could, keeling down. He did, but there was no spark in him, no connection. He was simply waiting for instructions.

“Loki!”

I only ever used his name in scene when I really needed his attention, and so far it had always worked, but not now.

“Loki, you have to snap out of this. Please call your safeword.”

“I did. You overruled it, ma'am.”

“No, you still have another one, remember?”

He froze, and then his whole body started shaking.

“Blue,” he breathed, and then, louder, more confident:

“Oh my god blue!”

I knelt down beside him and stroked his hair.

“That's it.”

He sank back down to the floor and I released his wrists and pulled his head into my lap.

“That's it, gorgeous. It's over. Come out of it.”

He drew a shaky breath.

“I'd forgotten. I'd actually forgotten that I still had the master safeword. That I had a way out. Oh my god this was so intense.”

“I don't think I want to go there ever again.”

Turning on his back and looking up at me he sighed.

“Me neither.”

For a little while I just sat and held his head in my lap, caressing his face and hair, and then I confessed:

“There was a point where I’d forgotten that you still had a master safeword myself. I've never felt this powerful before. Absolute, unlimited power over a helpless sub. It was hot as hell and now that I think about it it’s terrifying. I will not go there ever again.”

He just nodded, apparently deep in thought.

“You didn't mean it when you said I hadn't been useful before, did you? Have I really never been able to do anything for you until today?”

I pulled back and made him sit up. Taking his hands I said, as urgently as I could:

“That was probably the furthest I've ever been from the truth in any scene. You’re amazing. Playing with you is intense and hot and incredibly good, okay?”

He started to smile, sweet and happy, and then it turned a little smug. I swatted his arm.

“Don’t get cocky. Remember how this all began?”

He shuddered and pulled his hands from mine.

“Yes, ma’am. I remember very well.”


	27. Just Pleasure No Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unusally fluffy. You have been warned.

Once more my hot as fuck sub was tied down, spread eagled, naked, almost completely unable to move, and looking up at me. Oh this was going to be good.

“I had this idea the last time you were tied down like this.”

“M-hm?”

I grinned.

“Are you worried?”

“A little. I mean I trust you, but it's the first time we haven't scripted anything, so I guess it's a little unnerving that I don't know what is going to happen.”

“Do you _want_ to know?”

I could tell that he was debating, but then he gave me a small nod. I smiled at him.

“Only pleasurable things. No pain. No humiliation.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I want to.”

His beautiful face relaxed into a sweet smile.

“That's a good reason,” he said softly.

“Do I have your consent?”

“You have my general consent to do whatever you want to me.”

I smiled back at him.

“Okay so these are the rules: you will tell me immediately if anything I do isn't pleasurable. And you will ask me to keep going if you particularly like something.”

“Understood. Does that mean I'm allowed to speak freely?”

“Yes, you are.”

I ran my hands over his gorgeous body, followed by my lips and tongue. He didn’t say much, but his moans told me everything I needed to know. I enjoyed following the sounds I was drawing from him, trying something and waiting for his reaction, and when I licked his nipple he did react verbally.

“Oh god please keep that up.”

“So you like it, huh?”

“God yes I do.”

I kept teasing other parts of his body but went back to his nipples every now and then, and he very obviously liked it a lot.

“Can you come from just this?”

“Not sure,” he panted, “wanna try?”

I chuckled against his chest, too interested in the rest of him to follow through with it. And god he was beautiful. Yes, I’d seen him naked a lot of times, but this was different. He was so open and responsive, no rules holding him back, so unashamedly enjoying every touch. I realised how horny I was myself when I started taking off my clothes and couldn’t get them off fast enough. The moment my naked breasts were pressed up against the warm, soft skin of his chest we both shuddered.

“You’ve never allowed me to see you like this,” he whispered, eyes wide.

I kissed his neck and then moved further down his body, rubbing my clit against his thigh, one thin layer of fabric separating us. When I allowed myself a long moan he whispered:

“Use me. Make yourself come on my cock.”

I sat up and tilted my head to one side.

“I recall you saying you weren't in it for sex.”

“I did. I'm not usually. But I also said I wouldn’t mind being used for your pleasure, and right now I'm dying to serve you, be of use.”

Hoo boy. The way he looked at me, eyes pleading.

“Please! It's not about me. I'll do everything in my power not to come, but please use my body to make yourself come. Please!”

How could I resist _that_. So I pushed down my soaked panties and lowered myself onto him. His eyes were glued to my pussy, as if he was unable to process this was really happening. I started a slow, steady rhythm. Fuck he felt great inside me… rolling my hips and angling my body the way it gave me the most pleasure while he was pretty much unable to do anything did feel like using him, and boy what a turn on that was.

He was trying. He was fighting so hard not to give in, and it was hot! I briefly considered making him come against his will and then punishing him for giving in, but it didn't fit the mood, so I used all the neat little tricks that I knew would make me come faster, and a minute later I did, my muscles clenching, my whole core pulsating, and I collapsed on his chest, my body pressed against his, my face buried in the crook of his neck. For a while our laboured breathing was the only sound, and then he whispered:

“May I make a request, please?”

I just hummed vaguely positive, and he asked:

“Would you release my arms, please?”

I sat up.

“Going numb?”

He shook his head.

“No. But I'm dying to touch you. Can I please wrap my arms around you?”

I hesitated. Technically we were still in scene and he wasn't supposed to touch me, but it had sounded like a genuine need—and to be honest I wanted it, too. So I smiled at him and nodded.

“Don't move until I say so.”

“Understood.”

I unbuckled the cuffs. He held perfectly still until I was snuggled up again.

“ _Now_ hold me.”

And there it was. His arms around my back, his hands gently caressing my shoulders, the back of my neck, all the way down my spine and up again, and then he wrapped his arms around me as tight as he dared. It knocked the breath out of me and made me chuckle. He loosened his embrace after a few seconds, still keeping me flush against his chest though, and I realised this scene might be the most dangerous one of all.

“Let go,” I said, kind but determined. He immediately did. When I sat up again and our eyes met I had a hard time reading him.

“Do you remember your safewords?”

“Yes, ma’am, I do.”

I waited for a moment, but he didn’t use either one of them.

“Not there yet,” he breathed instead.

I cuffed his wrists to the bed again and reached between my thighs. Using my own juices as lube I slipped a finger inside him, feeling for that magic spot. Got it.

It didn't take long for him to start panting. Angling his hips to meet the pressure of my fingertip against his prostate he started begging:

“Ma'am? Please, may I come? Please, please, please let me come. I know I said it wasn't about me but god this feels good... please may I?”

I stilled the motion of my finger inside him and smiled.

“You don't have to beg for permission, gorgeous. You are _allowed_ to come.”

His head fell back and he let out a sigh. I started moving my finger again.

“I'll bring you because I _want_ to see you come. Come undone. Come on, lovely, let go. Allow yourself to let go. Come for me.”

I bent down and wrapped my lips around his tip.

“Please don't... yellow!” he rushed out, and I froze and quickly sat up.

“What's wrong?”

“Please don't use your mouth on me?”

“Okay…? I'll respect that of course, but—I have done that before...?” 

“Yes but right now I'm so close. I can't hold back much longer and—I can't come in your mouth. I just can't. Please…?”

I nodded.

“Get it. Everything else okay?”

“God yes.”

I grinned and took up those tiny little movements of my fingertip again, and he hadn’t been kidding. Not even half a minute later he was there, letting himself go with a long, heartfelt sigh, and I briefly wondered if he’d ever come that beautifully before.

I went to the bathroom, cleaned myself up and put on my robe. Taking a warm wet cloth with me I returned to Loki, removed his restraints and cleaned him up, too. He watched me, and when I was done he took my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist, a brush of his warm, soft lips against that sensitive spot. I smiled at him and he rolled onto his side, pulling the blanket over himself, a corner tugged under his cheek, a happy little smile on his beautiful face.

“Feel okay?” I asked.

“Heavenly,” he said, the smile getting wider.

I couldn't help but caress his forehead, temple, cheekbone, jawline. And all of a sudden something changed. That weird expression was back, the one he’d had earlier after holding me. My gut clenched.

“Why do you look like I broke your heart then?”

He looked at me for an eternity, barely breathing, and then he said, voice raw and broken:

“Because you did.”

I stared at him. Sitting up he said:

“We need to talk. I'd better get dressed for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun-dun-duun. Talk. The following chapter will be the last one!


	28. The Talk

I pulled on my robe and sat down on the couch, waiting for him to come back. When he did he was wearing the jeans and t-shirt he’d arrived in, not his usual after scene comfy clothes. This didn’t bode well.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him, surer than ever about some problem between us. He sat down and took my hands, and averting his eyes he said:

"I've been lying to you."

I felt my eyes narrow.

"About what?"

"You were right all along and I didn't want to admit it. There is something we have to talk about, and it's going to change everything. I will lose what we have and that hurts so much."

He took a breath and let go of my hands. I noticed that his were shaking. And then he finally met my eyes.

"I'm falling for you. I tried not to feel it. I hoped it would pass. But it didn't."

He couldn't keep the eye contact. Low and pained he went on:

"This will have to stop, I know that. An abusive Domme would keep playing with me, using my feelings to manipulate me.”

Seeing the pain in his expression I wondered if he was speaking from experience once more. Another painful glimpse into his past maybe?

“But you're a _real_ Domme, a good one, so you're going to do the right thing, which is cut me loose. Either way I'm fucked."

My vision went blurry for a moment, and then I realised what I probably should have known for a while.

“There's a third option, you know?”

He let out a bitter laugh.

“Mutual attraction? Yeah sure.”

I couldn't believe it. He really didn't consider that a possibility! I gently caressed his face and smiled at him.

“Exactly.”

His eyes flew up to mine.

“You're gorgeous, Loki, and I adore you. Why is that so hard to imagine?”

“Because that never happens,” he breathed.

“Yes,” I said softly. “It does.”

“Not to me.”

I leaned in and kissed him, gentle and lingering until I felt his breath hitch and he broke the kiss.

“I can't wrap my head around this,” he said softly.

“It's really not that hard. You're amazing. I'm falling for you, too. End of story.”

He chuckled and rested his forehead against mine.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You do make it sound easy.”

I just smiled at him and kissed him again, and this time he responded in earnest. I couldn’t believe how different his kiss felt, so much more confident and a lot less submissive than any we’d ever shared. Very, very different than in scene. And still hot as fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! You made it to the end of "Bruises". Thank you so much for reading, commenting, leaving Kudos!
> 
> There is one thing left to say:  
> LOKI WILL RETURN!  
> (read: I'm working on a sequel.)


End file.
